Monday, February 23, 2009

Week Twenty-six

Has anyone else noticed that Australians don’t say “Bless you” after you sneeze? I have seen beautiful women sneeze in a train filled with men, and little children sneeze in front of their parents at dinner, and not a single “God bless you”, “Gesundheit”, or “Ewww, get away from me” to be heard. When I sneeze I expect to be blessed, and thus far I haven’t been.

In fact, Australians seem to have an obvious tendency to talk, a lot, yet rarely do they ever talk politely, with regard for another’s welfare, or with manners. And that is the premise for my new favorite show, Ladette to Lady.

What Prince Harry is to Natalie Imbruglia, Ladette to Lady is to me. "Ladette", a new reality show in which bogan Australian girls are taught proper etiquette in England, originally grabbed my attention when the Australian women were seen farting, burping and urinating on the street. Like Prince Harry, the Aussie women are depicted as drunk, obnoxious and overly politically-incorrect, and like the older Natalie Imbruglia, I am infatuated with it all. The show is proof that girls from Boston are not the most annoying girls in the entire world. They're only second.

Good to see Slumdog cleaned up at the Oscars, though I was devastated not to see Freida Pinto accept an Academy Award for her achievement as Hottest Female Ever 2009. As could be expected, everyone here has tremendous admiration for Perth-born Heath Ledger, and since Australians normally only win things of non-importance, yesterday's victory was quite special for the Land of Oz. I didn't get to see the Oscars due to the time difference, but I hope all of you girls enjoyed it, and that you guys won your Oscars drinking games.

Well, yesterday was the last day to apply for The Best Job in the World. I know that all of you are asking where my video application is, but unfortunately I didn't apply. In fact, I was ineligible. Because I am using a Work & Holiday visa (Subclass 462), and because I am still in Australia, I do not qualify for the necessary Sublcass 457 visa. I really don't think that's very fair. Not that any video of me would ever get me a job (or anything other than a mocking), The Best Job in the World needs to be one that anyone qualified can apply for. While visa restrictions are out of the Tourism Queensland's hands, the job shouldn't be advertised as some open international competition if it really is not. At least the government's not tightening restrictions to keep working here - good news for all of you who want to follow in my amazing footsteps.

Regardless, I’m officially at the halfway point of my Australian adventure, and to acknowledge the occasion I decided to dust off the 'ol 100 Things I Have to Do in Australia checklist and see how far

I've gotten. While I have yet to wrestle a shark, become more masculine or outdrink an Aussie, I have achieved nearly half of what I set out to accomplish. I sailed the Whitsundays, snorkeled the Reef, hugged a koala, hiked Uluru and saw the Twelve Apostles. I surfed the Gold Coast, attended the Australian Open and sunbathed on the beaches of Sydney. Half of the list is complete and I have half a year to finish what I came here to do.

Twenty-six weeks down, 26 to go.

Week Twenty-six Summary:
Weather: Consistently in the 30s.. I'm actually starting to get used to the heat.
New observation: Australians really like bad American 80s music.
New activity(ies): baking
New food: Australian breakfast tacos
New word(s): Toowoomba, Gympie, Ballina, Ipswich, Maribyrnong and other retarded city names.
New people: another Brandon who mispells his name "Brandan".
What I miss: Fantastic Sam’s, cheap dry cleaning, dodgy Mission bars, sleeping in, my four oversized pillows, Bistro Burger

1 comment:

Shante said...

#39 - you really want to be MORE manly. Is that possible?