Week Thirty

Week Thirty was deleted by Blogspot when I submitted "Publish Post", and sadly I don't have a backup copy. Blame Blogspot. You will have to wait until Week Thirty-one now.

Week Twenty-nine

A recent survey this week found UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown to be the country's Most Boring Speaker, ahead of David Beckham and Kate Winslett. He is pretty boring - not just when compared with Barack Obama, Tony Blair or other engaging leaders, but when compared with living mammals of any kind. However, he is not the most boring speaker in the world. I think it's safe to say that honor goes to Kerry O'Brien, host of The 7:30 Report on ABC Australia.

What a bottle of Aquafina is to a refrigerator full of Red Bull, Kerry O'Brien is to the rest of the television personalities here. Listening to him talk is like going to see The Fray perform a 180-minute acoustic concert on a rainy Tuesday late morning in Fort Stockton, Texas, after taking five klonopins without having slept for the previous 76 hours. Adelaide is less boring. In fact hanging out with 17 emo kids would be more fun, because at least you'd be able to do something to them. With Kerry O'Brien you just have to sit and listen.

So another week down and this week I went to Sydney…again. I was only there for about 16 hours, mainly to see one of my clients, but I did enjoy an evening in Darlinghurst catching up with a lovely Canadian bird. I’m not sure why, but Sydney is starting to charm me. Every time I’m there the weather is terrible, the taxis overcharge me and I get hardly any sleep. Yet, the people are delightful and the city is vibrant. Is it possible I'm moving from Team Melbourne to Team Sydney?? I've already switched to Team Edelman, Team Pepsi Max and Team Aniston, so I suppose anything is possible.

After Sydney, I spent the rest of the week working, sleeping and saving money. I did Hoo Haa it Saturday night and I purchased new earphones on Sunday, which are quite frankly the worst earphones I've ever had. Yes they were relatively cheap, but they manage to make every song sound like they are on 808's & Heartbreak or Is This It. And when I do play Kanye or The Strokes, the songs are completely indecipherable.

Well, it’s finally March Madness. Not only is it a pretty exciting time for college basketball fans, it is very exciting for us Syracuse faithful. Friday night was one of the most thrilling basketball games in college basketball history, when Syracuse upset Connecticut in a near-record six overtimes. It reminded me of the Orange's 2006 Big East run, when the Gerry McNamara-inspired team reeled off four consecutive victories to clinch a berth in the NCAA Tournament…only of course, to lose in the first round like they always seem to do. This year, however, the Orange team looks like it can reach the Elite Eight.

Here is my bracket. Don’t copy: I know you want to.

And finally, tomorrow it's time to dust off the 'ol Cranberries cds, boil the potatoes and bust out some mad W.B. Yeats rhymes. Tomorrow it's St. Patrick's Day, the one day each year it's actually cool to be Irish. While some cities dye their river green or have massive boozefests with half a million drunks, Melbourne has both on any given day of the week. Be sure to wear green. Have a great week and Let's Go Cuse! Twenty-nine weeks down, 23 to go.

Week Twenty-nine Summary:
Weather: Starting to get chilly. Like a crisp October night in San Francisco. It's beautiful.
New observation: I had NO IDEA that the lead singer of Silversun Pickups was a dude!!
New activity(ies): spending $132 on a taxi in Sydney. Good thing my company gave me a CabCharge!
New food: Subway breakfast sandwich. The concept sounds terrible, but at 5:15 a.m. it can be beautiful.
New word(s): bugger off! (get bent!)
New people: I FINALLY met someone who LIKED my American accent. I think that was the only thing she liked about me.
What I miss: Shante Micah Schroeder, old Facebook, Whataburger, the Power Players, Matisyahu, my own washer & dryer, summer

Week Twenty-eight

Optus blows. Not only does my phone service consistently de-credit my account, hang up on important phone calls and get no reception in the first- and second-largest cities in Australia, but it also successfully managed to charge me $35 in roaming fees for calls made in Sydney. And the last time I checked, Sydney was based within Australia. Apparently Optus uses the same phone system as 16th century Africa, at a significantly higher price. Come on Optus, seriously.

So Saturday was Mardi Gras in Sydney, and since it was a three-day weekend I decided to make the 712-kilometer trek to watch how gay people celebrate Mardi Gras. You see, Australia's version of Mardi Gras really has nothing to do with our Mardi Gras, the annual series of events preparing for the start of Lent. There were no beads, no drunk Louisiana Tech frat guys and no delicious gumbo. Mardi Gras here is just one massive gay orgy.

Approximately 871.5 billion gay people flooded Oxford Street, Sydney's version of the Red Light District, to watch a three-hour parade where everything from football players to piggy banks suddenly became gay. Thousands of people marched in the parade in costumes, underwear or leather, and all were celebrating and barracking for universal gay rights. It was quite the spectacle for Australia, but basically the equivalent of a Tuesday in San Francisco.

Some of my friends in San Fran have actually been doing their part to keep the "Overturn Proposition 8" movement alive. More than 3,000 people marched down Market Street on Wednesday, the night before the California Supreme Court commenced hearing arguments for the validity of Prop 8. While Sydney's Mardi Gras was a celebration for the entire gay community, many more gay rights activists will be celebrating if California and the U.S. can prove to the world they are a leader in the quest for universal equality. It's a big statement but one all Californians can be proud of if and when our judicial system repeals what non-sensical voters helped push through.

So it was a good week here in Australia and abroad. Other than standing for seven consecutive hours waiting for the gay people to actually show up to the parade, I also spent my weekend in Sydney meeting new Canadians and old co-workers. We spent most of the time in The Rocks, enjoying Saturday night beverages and Sunday afternoon refreshers at The Glenmore Hotel and The Argyle. Both were beautiful.

Abroad, Syracuse is FINALLY going to the NCAA Tournament after two years in the NIT. Just two and a half months ago Syracuse was losing at home to Cleveland State and Eric Devendorf was busy punching women in the face (which by the way, all of us who saw Devendorf back in 2006 probably knew that was bound to happen). And now? The Orange finished the regular season 23-8 after an overtime win at Marquette: not too shabby.

Here in Victoria, colder weather has helped with the bushfires, but Australia is still proving it's a land with many natural disasters. On Friday Melbourne had the biggest earthquake in 36 years and a cyclone is currently hitting the state of Queensland. Adding insult to injury, Cyclone Hamish, which was originally expected to effectively flush out dengue-carrying mosquito larvae, is now expected to instead create more breeding grounds for them to spread the disease even further. D'oh!

So 28 weeks down and I'm finally starting to get into The Raveonettes. I always appreciated their Buddy Holly melodies and Everly Brothers harmony, but not until recently did I find out Sune Rose Wagner, the female half of the duo, was actually pretty hot. Suddenly I appreciate their music a little more now. And despite hiring me, Edelman was this week named PRWeek Agency of the Year for the third consecutive year, an impressive accomplishment. Go Team! Anddd... Happy Birthday Tara!!! We'll celebrate when I get back. Miss you all! Twenty-eight weeks down, 24 to go.

Week Twenty-eight Summary:
Weather: Rainy. Twenty-eight weeks and I still don't own a brolly!
New observation: Australians really like the name Hamish. Why???
New activity(ies): Gay Mardi Gras, standing for 7 hours
New food: white wine sangria (yum), lychees (double yum)
New word(s): gobsmacked (surprised). Mozzies v Muzzies (Mosquitos v Muslims) - don't mix them up
New people: heaps of gay people and Canadians. I miss them already.
What I miss: all the randoms outside the Fillmore Center, American bread, the old Joaquin Phoenix, Frappuccinos, 3(0)c1W

Week Twenty-seven

Another shark attack in Sydney *yawn*. Way to be creative there, Sydney. Seriously. You're a beautiful city with a decent personality, so why are you being such an attention whore? (Note that anything found on Wiktionary is ok to publicly type - it means I'm hip with today's slang.) This is the third time in three weeks a shark has bitten a piece of an Aussie, and knowing Sydney it'll happen several more times in the months to come.

Tourism is already floundering here in Australia, and Sydney's weak desparation to get in the news is only hindering this country's ability to recruit international tourists. It doesn't help when the country's iconic airline to import tourists keeps crashing into itself and the country's international spokespeople are these guys. So while Australia may be doing a good job of recruiting accident-prone 41-47-year-old gay males, it hasn't exactly brought in the rest of the masses. Note that it also doesn't help when the international tourism song , "Come to Australia", explicitly confirms tourists may die here.

It's gotten so bad that the only tourists I've been meeting here in Melbourne are Canadians who either want to substitute teach or pick fruit: not exactly the cream of the international tourist crop.

In fact, it's so bad in Queensland that the government is actively targeting and recruiting unemployed people and giving them jobs to aesthetically improve tourist areas. The $57 million plan gives $10.4 million to Tourism Queensland, the same moneybags organization that's giving one lazy bum The Best Job in the World. I can't help but think the money might be better spent hiring a plane and flying 30,000 international tourists to Australia (30,000 people multiplied by $1,900AUS, the average cost of an international flight, equals $57 million).

Tourism Australia did actually launch an expensive tourism campaign already - in conjunction with Baz Lurhmann's movie Australia. Unfortunately, the movie and campaign were released just as the recession started in Australia's key market: The U.S. of A. According to the 15 January edition of Media magazine, the cost of Tourism Australia's ad campaign was $40 million AUS and the cost to make the movie Australia was $130 million. The direct impact is hard to measure, as the impact of the economic downturn instead has resulted in a bleak forecast: In 2009, inbound tourists are expected to decline by 4.1 percent.

Regardless of the government's ineffeciencies at recruiting tourists, I am adamant on doing my part to bring foreigners to this hot, sparsely-populated and disaster-prone land. You see, I have now lived in Australia for 27 weeks and not a single friend, other than Frenchie, has come to visit. Really? How many record-breaking floods, third-world diseases and mass-murdering fires must this country endure before people realize this country has it all?! It's not like I live in Syracuse or Adelaide, the most boring cities in their respective hemispheres. I live in Melbourne. It's fun. Come visit.

And speaking of fires, authorities here are warning Tuesday might be worse than Black Saturday. I even got two text messages from the Victorian Police notifying me of the danger. While several of my friends have called with concern for the fires, several more are pressuring me to risk my life and go into the fires to save koalas. I suppose there are worse ways to die...

Red back, funnel web, blue ringed octopus, Taipan, Tigersnake and a Box Jellyfish; big shark, just waiting for you to go swimming at Bondi Beach; come to Australia: You might accidentally get killed. La la la

Twenty-seven weeks down, 25 to go.

Week Twenty-sevenSummary:
Weather: So inconsistent. Warm, cold, warm, cold, hot, warm, hotter, cold c'mon!
New observation: American Express is a nice credit card to have, unless it's the only credit card you have. Not many places take Amex without charging a usage fee. :(
New activity(ies): Gay eco-friendly vegetarian bars
New food: Singapore stir-fry with crunched up Doritos. YUM :)
New word(s): Tucker (food)
New people: A girl who usually stands across from me on the city tram who looks EXACTLY like Chelsea Clinton, circa 1998.. Not cool.
What I miss: Uluru, my non-girly bed frame, my fluffy mattress pad, my photo albums, Flamin' Hot Cheetos, my mom's shag carpeting, Janet Reno, (any) Mexican food

Week Twenty-six

Has anyone else noticed that Australians don’t say “Bless you” after you sneeze? I have seen beautiful women sneeze in a train filled with men, and little children sneeze in front of their parents at dinner, and not a single “God bless you”, “Gesundheit”, or “Ewww, get away from me” to be heard. When I sneeze I expect to be blessed, and thus far I haven’t been.

In fact, Australians seem to have an obvious tendency to talk, a lot, yet rarely do they ever talk politely, with regard for another’s welfare, or with manners. And that is the premise for my new favorite show, Ladette to Lady.

What Prince Harry is to Natalie Imbruglia, Ladette to Lady is to me. "Ladette", a new reality show in which bogan Australian girls are taught proper etiquette in England, originally grabbed my attention when the Australian women were seen farting, burping and urinating on the street. Like Prince Harry, the Aussie women are depicted as drunk, obnoxious and overly politically-incorrect, and like the older Natalie Imbruglia, I am infatuated with it all. The show is proof that girls from Boston are not the most annoying girls in the entire world. They're only second.

Good to see Slumdog cleaned up at the Oscars, though I was devastated not to see Freida Pinto accept an Academy Award for her achievement as Hottest Female Ever 2009. As could be expected, everyone here has tremendous admiration for Perth-born Heath Ledger, and since Australians normally only win things of non-importance, yesterday's victory was quite special for the Land of Oz. I didn't get to see the Oscars due to the time difference, but I hope all of you girls enjoyed it, and that you guys won your Oscars drinking games.

Well, yesterday was the last day to apply for The Best Job in the World. I know that all of you are asking where my video application is, but unfortunately I didn't apply. In fact, I was ineligible. Because I am using a Work & Holiday visa (Subclass 462), and because I am still in Australia, I do not qualify for the necessary Sublcass 457 visa. I really don't think that's very fair. Not that any video of me would ever get me a job (or anything other than a mocking), The Best Job in the World needs to be one that anyone qualified can apply for. While visa restrictions are out of the Tourism Queensland's hands, the job shouldn't be advertised as some open international competition if it really is not. At least the government's not tightening restrictions to keep working here - good news for all of you who want to follow in my amazing footsteps.

Regardless, I’m officially at the halfway point of my Australian adventure, and to acknowledge the occasion I decided to dust off the 'ol 100 Things I Have to Do in Australia checklist and see how far

I've gotten. While I have yet to wrestle a shark, become more masculine or outdrink an Aussie, I have achieved nearly half of what I set out to accomplish. I sailed the Whitsundays, snorkeled the Reef, hugged a koala, hiked Uluru and saw the Twelve Apostles. I surfed the Gold Coast, attended the Australian Open and sunbathed on the beaches of Sydney. Half of the list is complete and I have half a year to finish what I came here to do.

Twenty-six weeks down, 26 to go.

Week Twenty-six Summary:
Weather: Consistently in the 30s.. I'm actually starting to get used to the heat.
New observation: Australians really like bad American 80s music.
New activity(ies): baking
New food: Australian breakfast tacos
New word(s): Toowoomba, Gympie, Ballina, Ipswich, Maribyrnong and other retarded city names.
New people: another Brandon who mispells his name "Brandan".
What I miss: Fantastic Sam’s, cheap dry cleaning, dodgy Mission bars, sleeping in, my four oversized pillows, Bistro Burger

Week Twenty-five

Uh-oh. In a recent incident at a Beijing bookstore that bodes very, very poorly for influential bloggers such as myself, one prominent Chinese blogger was stabbed yesterday as a result of his anti-establishment writings. According to the article, Xu Lai, a newspaper journalist and novelist, had published many writings about government corruption and satirical items on the Communist party, censorship and the melamine milk scandal. And for that, he was STABBED. So yay establishment!!! I heart you, wacky federal leader of the centre-left Australian Labor Party. You complete me.

Actually, a lot of Aussies do like The Establishment. On Thursday, Edelman Australia released the results of its 2009 Trust Barometer, which studied trust among 4,475 key opinion leaders in 20 countries, and government ranked higher than business in terms of trust. When it comes to business, however, Australian key opinion leaders apparently listen to too much XTC.

According to the results, 74% of Australians trust business less than they did last year, and they trust business significantly less than every other country/region to 1) act quickly to correct problems, 2) make changes so the problems don't happen again, 3) admit their mistakes when things go wrong, 4) make full public disclosure about the problems and their causes, 5) have execs take a visible lead in communicating about the problems, etc.

Another reason Aussies probably listen to XTC: They are one of the world's least religious people. Coincidence?


But aside from being cynics, Australians are also really fun drunks. And on Saturday night, all of the fun cynical drunks came out to celebrate Valentine's Day with other fun cynical drunks. No flowers? No worries - beer was in full supply at the Carlton Hotel, a local establishment in the heart of downtown. I and one other fellow spent the night with seven single women, which prevented me from 1) drunk dialing an ex-girlfriend, 2) finding new Valentine's Day romance, or 3) staying home eating chocolate listening to Fergie on the sofa in a pool of my own tears.

Well, the Victoria bush fires are still dominating the headlines everywhere in the country. On Friday and Saturday a fire in nearby Healesville caused an eery haze that covered the sky and smoke that filled the air. It really reminds me of the wild fires that plagued California for the past half-dozen years. It's been a sad nine days with 189 now reported dead, but more than $100 million has already been donated, which for a country of only 21 million people, is quite an impressive feat. Aussies do support Aussies and it's great to see the nation come together, even over tragedy.

So I'm almost at the half-way point of my Work & Holiday visa. I feel like I've actually done a lot in these past 25 weeks. I've had two jobs. I've written six press releases for CSG. I've met a lot of cool people and had a lot of great memories. Still, though, I can't help but look ahead and wonder where I'll be come Week 53. There's a good chance I'll still be in Melbourne, but I reckon there's a better chance I'll be elsewhere. London? Sydney?? New York??? Any other ideas? In the meantime, I've got half a year left to see the city and conquer the country and region. And get hangers. I need hangers. Twenty-five weeks down, 27 to go.

Week Twenty-five Summary:
Weather: Was perfect, now getting hot again. Stupid sun.
New observation: It seems as though more Europeans, Americans and Asians make the trek to Uluru than Australians
New activity(ies): Working on Saturdays
New food: seafood pizza
New word(s): spelling words that should have a "z" with an "s", i.e. capitalisation, organise or realise.
New people: the checkout lady at Safeway knows me, and I'm not sure how or why...
What I miss: the 2000-2002 Los Angeles Lakers, cilantro on tacos, my DVD collection of The Office, coupons in the Sunday paper, 3C1W2008 (has it really been a whole year???)

Week Twenty-four

Does anybody really believe in "global warming"? I mean come on, it's got to be a myth. Like "economic downturn" or "yawning is contagious", nobody actually really believes any of this liberal-fed gobbledygook. Well, those Silicon Valley nerds might in fact have been on to something.

Saturday was the hottest day in the history of everything. The temperature in Melbourne reached 46.4 degrees Celsius (that's over 115 F), which for Don is the equivalent of about 17.8 layers of deodorant. In case you're curious, here is the formula I am using:

The Don Takaya Deoderant Quotient

When the temperature is below 14 degrees Celsius, I am technically ok without deodorant. When the temperature is between 14.1 and 19.1 I need one layer of deodorant. When the temperature is between 19.1 and 21.6 I need two layers. When the temperature is between 21.6 and 23.6 I need three layers. Anything above 23.6 gets calculated at [one layer for every 1.65 degrees through 35 degrees], and [one layer for every 1.45 degrees above 35 degrees].

As such, the formula for Saturday's DTDQ is as follows: 1 + 1 + 1 + 6.91 + 7.86 = 17.77 layers of Deoderant. And no, the type of deoderant, the time of day applied, nor the number of minutes following a shower all do not factor into this equation. Equation trademarked.

In the country, the hot weather fueled by hot and dry winds, similar to Orange County's Santa Ana winds, resulted in Victoria's worst bushfires since Ash Wednesday. In fact, the bushfires have since gripped the entire nation, and tens of thousands have already donated $7 million to the Red Cross. Unbenknownst to the fact there were fires going on in the distance, I spent the day ironically enough, firing up the barbie for a barbecue. Apparently Swedes don't believe in "fire bans".

I also spent Saturday watching Slumdog Millionaire, an award-winning film that brought up many important issues, including the gentrification of Mumbai, the religious hostility between Hindus and Muslims, and how/why I had never before heard of Freida Pinto, the hottest female in the history of everything. Needless to say I spent much of Saturday night images.google.com.au'ing "Freida Pinto", for research purposes for this blog.

On Sunday I attended the St Kilda Festival, the largest patronised, free music festival in the Southern Hemisphere. Approximately 300,000 attended the day-long street event in my hometown, and it was quite a spectacle. And of course, on Sunday night I resumed my pictorial search of Freida Pinto.

Well, five and a half months in Australia and I finished my first week at Edelman. After only five days I can already tell how different Edelman is from B-M, and how different my role and my responsibilities will be from my previous job. They're doing a lot of cool things at Edelman, and even though my Friday was spent in non-casual attire, without a morning fruit basket, and contained no Happy Hour wine nor chips, the level of projects and programs I'm working on make the hours in the cube pass by with ease. There's even a little cafe downstairs in the courtyard that sells ice cold Diet Cokes, and it only took three days for the cashier to pick up on my DC addiction. So Happy Black History Month Jasmine, and Happy Valentines Day mom!!! :( I still need a girlfriend. Twenty-four weeks down, 28 to go.

Week Twenty-three Summary:
Weather: Finally starting to cool down, but still too hot for suits
New observation: Holidays are much more fun than workdays
New activity(ies): electronic roulette (stupid electronic roulette) :(
New food: 4-day old dim sum (it was on sale)
New word(s): "the" in front of sports. i.e. "I'm going to watch the tennis" or "We're going to the cricket."
New people: new colleagues at Edelman, half of whom are pregnant
What I miss: George W. Bush's foreign policy expertise, Syracuse defense, cheap fruit, Del Taco on a Tuesday night, Safeway online grocery delivery (the best way to get 144 cans of Diet Coke to a third floor apartment).