World Blog Surf Day

Yes, it’s been a while since I’ve updated my blog. Over the past two months, I have been busy working, traveling, parading, booking tickets, drinking, going to the beach, taking pictures and buying new pants. Two months goes quickly, but not long enough to get the NBA playoffs off of ESPN.com. Here are the top 10 highlights of the last two months:

10.National Gallery of Victoria
9. Trip to Brighton Beach
8. Club-hopping with a Canadian guest
7. Second place at Medical Trivia Night
6. Discovery of Twitter
5. Arj Barker at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival
4. Lunch at Guiseppe Arnaldo & Sons
3. Weekend in a summer house in Sorrento on the Mornington Peninsula
2. Four-day trip back to the U.S.
1. Alex's Farewell

But enough about things you are actually interested in – today it’s time to talk about food. Today is World Blog Surf Day, the annual day for expats to blog about one common subject (this year is food) and, by linking to other expats’ blogs, create a chain from Australia to Turkey and everywhere in between. This is the ONLY reason I am updating my blog today, but I actually think talking about food would be a lot of fun!

Along with God and Scarlett Johansson, food is one of my favourite things in the whole wide world, and lately it’s consumed me as much as I’ve consumed it. This past week was the Good Food and Wine Show, the Melbourne Italian Festival, and the second month of my new favourite show, Master Chef.

Master Chef is the American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance of cooking, pitting Austrailan amateur contestants against each other to cook the best dish - with the worst facing elimination. These chefs are quite good (particularly the ultra-hot yet ultra-eliminated Linda Kowalski), but it is also extremely consistent with the rest of Australians.

If there’s one thing Aussies do well, and one thing only, it is cook. Communicate coherently? Nope. Manage the budget? Sorry. Stay sober one night? Not a chance. But grill a flawless snapper with beautiful vegetables and a refreshing glass of wine? You betcha. Melbourne in particular is home to some of the greatest restaurants in the Southern Hemisphere, mixing Asian and European influences with uniquely Australian meat and produce for a wonderful fusion of tastes.

However, most foreigners don't realize just how much great food there is in Melbourne. In fact, food critic Matt Preston recently wrote in The Age that Melbourne is losing its reputation as one of the world’s great food cities, having failed to place a single entry in the world’s 100 best places to eat. He has his own theories, including isolation from the majority of restaurants of the world, but I have a better theory: The world hates Melbourne.

And for good reason. In Melbourne, we are racist, violent, drunk, drug-addicted, backwards and dumb. Who wouldn't hate this city, other than racists, drunkards, illiterates and alcohol suppliers?

As a result, we have been omitted from one of the few things we hold pride in - a list celebrating our food. It is particularly a shame because when tourists visit Australia, they mainly visit Sydney and the Great Barrier Reef, skipping Melbourne entirely. Never mind that Melbourne hosts most of the country's best exhibits, sporting competitions and art galleries. Never mind that it is home to the best nightlife, entertainment and dining.

The food in Australia - everything from the fine dining restaurants to the hole-in-the-wall cafes to the produce section at the local Woolies - is first class, and nowhere is it better than in Melbourne.

Week Thirty-three

Anything is possible. The Ducks won 10 of their last 12 games to squeak into the eighth and final playoff spot. The U.S. Navy daringly rescued a Somali pirate-captured hostage. And, Matt Riordan found a girl who said 'yes'...to HIM. Matt, for those of you who don't know, lived with me at Farmington Commons for a few months while he was going to school, working at the car wash and studying God. With the attention span of a second grader, the intellect of a chipmunk and the diet of a wild goat that got loose in a 7-eleven, Matt Riordan found one lucky girl to take him for the rest of her life. And you thought the Antwerp train station video was bizarre.

In fact, Matt's announcement caught all of us off guard. He kept the engagement plans a secret and finally announced his engagement not through phone calls or a big party, but via Facebook: one step above tweeting the life-changing announcement and one step below circulating the news via notebook paper in a second grade classroom.

So yet another wedding I'll have to go back for and yet another good friend to finally get hitched. At least I still have you, Tara!!!

Yes, the blog is back, but on its new weekly day: Tuesday. It's just easier this way.

Well, Thursday morning marked tremendous tragedy for Orange County sports fans, including myself. Rookie pitcher Nick Adenhart was more than just the Angels' top prospect - from all accounts he was a terrific person. Adenhart and two others were killed when a drunk driver plowed into their vehicle only a few hours after Adenhart pitched six scoreless innings in the Angels' defeat to the Oakland Athletics. As Rob Neyer and hundreds of other journalists often point out, the Angels have had a history of tragedy. They used to say the organization was cursed, but a championship in 2002 proved otherwise. The Angels are a close-knit team and unlike Australian airlines, will get through this mess.

Of course, another week in Melbourne and another dodgy airline incident, though this time it centers around Dubai-based Emirates Airlines. Flight EK407, carrying 225 passengers headed for Dubai, nearly crashed while taking off in Melbourne. The plane used the entire 3600-meter-long runway before managing to get airborne, and after a thorough investigation it was reported that the passengers were lucky to have escaped without harm. It still beats Qantas.

Qantas yesterday announced it was slashing another 1,750 jobs - the third round of cuts in nine months. In fact, Qantas is so terrible that even the Hell's Angels had been going to Qantas airport terminals just to commit bike gang-related murders. The airline industry has been so bad here that Melbourne held the Birdman competition to see which new flying invention would be the most successful. After all, anything is possible. Unfortunately, the collection of Australian inventors failed to come up with anything.

Well, this week was Easter weekend and I got amazing tickets to my first AFL game at Etihad Stadium, a pretty sweet venue when you're sitting in the Medallion Club. My team, the St Kilda Saints, crushed the West Coast Eagles (AFL's version of the New York Islanders) by almost 100 points. More surprisingly, I came to the conclusion that after only a few months, I am absolutely obsessed with Australian football. I watch it on t.v., dream it at night and read about it online when I wake up in the morning. It's my new Ladette to Lady. I heart it; it completes me.

Thank you for filling out my survey. It is through quantitative research that I have been able to make such vast improvements to my blog, such as write better and include more pictures. It's still been pretty hectic here in Melbourne, but I've enjoyed walking home from work the past few days to enjoy the moment a little longer. At 6 p.m. when the sun sets and the air is crisp and cool, few things beat a casual walk through the Botanical Gardens at twilight, with the street lamps glowing and the joggers breezing past. It's autumn, it's beautiful here and I will do what I can to stay in Melbourne longer. Anything is possible. Thirty-three weeks down, 19 to go.

Week Thirty-three Summary:
Weather: perfect
New observation: Updating a blog requires tremendous time and dedication! I really don't have either.
New activity(ies): Prince of Wales Hotel; 1806
New food: Swedish Easter food (potatoes with anchovies)
New word(s): utilise, capitalise, organise, and other words without a 'z'
New people: a professional hairdresser for the stars; random Swedes who said I spoke excellent Swedish!
What I miss: Cowboys Dance Hall, Broadway Street in Alamo Heights, the Burketts, Lesley and her Duke-arrogance, my red IKEA chairs, Peet's coffee

Week Thirty-two

I'll need to keep this short yet sweet. Yes, I'm alive.

The last couple of weeks have been incredibly hectic, and as a result I have slacked on my blogging responsibilities. In the last two weeks, I spent 105 hours in the office, attended three overly-ornate client functions and saw my first Grand Prix from Ferrari's corporate suite. I speed dated, went to Boutique and was constantly hit on by Dannii Minogue. Good fun, hard work and no time for the ultra-hot 12,767K. Though I doubt this will be a trend, the busy schedule has forced me to consider new blogging alternatives.

To help me determine my future blogging schedule, please complete my survey. Your feedback is as always much appreciated.

More to come later this week. I promise on Liz's grave. Thirty-two weeks down, 20 to go.

Week Thirty-two Summary:
Weather: Stormy and beautiful.
New observation: Australians LOVE Toto
New activity(ies): Boutique; The Laundry; Spice Market; the Formula 1 Grand Prix
New food: MoMo
New word(s): sneaky drinks (quiet drinks)
New people: Dannii Minogue; heaps of beautiful international flight attendants; speed dating crew; my clients and their problematic children
What I miss: Dannii Minogue; heaps of beautiful international flight attendants; did I mention Dannii Minogue?

Week Thirty

Week Thirty was deleted by Blogspot when I submitted "Publish Post", and sadly I don't have a backup copy. Blame Blogspot. You will have to wait until Week Thirty-one now.

Week Twenty-nine

A recent survey this week found UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown to be the country's Most Boring Speaker, ahead of David Beckham and Kate Winslett. He is pretty boring - not just when compared with Barack Obama, Tony Blair or other engaging leaders, but when compared with living mammals of any kind. However, he is not the most boring speaker in the world. I think it's safe to say that honor goes to Kerry O'Brien, host of The 7:30 Report on ABC Australia.

What a bottle of Aquafina is to a refrigerator full of Red Bull, Kerry O'Brien is to the rest of the television personalities here. Listening to him talk is like going to see The Fray perform a 180-minute acoustic concert on a rainy Tuesday late morning in Fort Stockton, Texas, after taking five klonopins without having slept for the previous 76 hours. Adelaide is less boring. In fact hanging out with 17 emo kids would be more fun, because at least you'd be able to do something to them. With Kerry O'Brien you just have to sit and listen.

So another week down and this week I went to Sydney…again. I was only there for about 16 hours, mainly to see one of my clients, but I did enjoy an evening in Darlinghurst catching up with a lovely Canadian bird. I’m not sure why, but Sydney is starting to charm me. Every time I’m there the weather is terrible, the taxis overcharge me and I get hardly any sleep. Yet, the people are delightful and the city is vibrant. Is it possible I'm moving from Team Melbourne to Team Sydney?? I've already switched to Team Edelman, Team Pepsi Max and Team Aniston, so I suppose anything is possible.

After Sydney, I spent the rest of the week working, sleeping and saving money. I did Hoo Haa it Saturday night and I purchased new earphones on Sunday, which are quite frankly the worst earphones I've ever had. Yes they were relatively cheap, but they manage to make every song sound like they are on 808's & Heartbreak or Is This It. And when I do play Kanye or The Strokes, the songs are completely indecipherable.

Well, it’s finally March Madness. Not only is it a pretty exciting time for college basketball fans, it is very exciting for us Syracuse faithful. Friday night was one of the most thrilling basketball games in college basketball history, when Syracuse upset Connecticut in a near-record six overtimes. It reminded me of the Orange's 2006 Big East run, when the Gerry McNamara-inspired team reeled off four consecutive victories to clinch a berth in the NCAA Tournament…only of course, to lose in the first round like they always seem to do. This year, however, the Orange team looks like it can reach the Elite Eight.

Here is my bracket. Don’t copy: I know you want to.

And finally, tomorrow it's time to dust off the 'ol Cranberries cds, boil the potatoes and bust out some mad W.B. Yeats rhymes. Tomorrow it's St. Patrick's Day, the one day each year it's actually cool to be Irish. While some cities dye their river green or have massive boozefests with half a million drunks, Melbourne has both on any given day of the week. Be sure to wear green. Have a great week and Let's Go Cuse! Twenty-nine weeks down, 23 to go.

Week Twenty-nine Summary:
Weather: Starting to get chilly. Like a crisp October night in San Francisco. It's beautiful.
New observation: I had NO IDEA that the lead singer of Silversun Pickups was a dude!!
New activity(ies): spending $132 on a taxi in Sydney. Good thing my company gave me a CabCharge!
New food: Subway breakfast sandwich. The concept sounds terrible, but at 5:15 a.m. it can be beautiful.
New word(s): bugger off! (get bent!)
New people: I FINALLY met someone who LIKED my American accent. I think that was the only thing she liked about me.
What I miss: Shante Micah Schroeder, old Facebook, Whataburger, the Power Players, Matisyahu, my own washer & dryer, summer

Week Twenty-eight

Optus blows. Not only does my phone service consistently de-credit my account, hang up on important phone calls and get no reception in the first- and second-largest cities in Australia, but it also successfully managed to charge me $35 in roaming fees for calls made in Sydney. And the last time I checked, Sydney was based within Australia. Apparently Optus uses the same phone system as 16th century Africa, at a significantly higher price. Come on Optus, seriously.

So Saturday was Mardi Gras in Sydney, and since it was a three-day weekend I decided to make the 712-kilometer trek to watch how gay people celebrate Mardi Gras. You see, Australia's version of Mardi Gras really has nothing to do with our Mardi Gras, the annual series of events preparing for the start of Lent. There were no beads, no drunk Louisiana Tech frat guys and no delicious gumbo. Mardi Gras here is just one massive gay orgy.

Approximately 871.5 billion gay people flooded Oxford Street, Sydney's version of the Red Light District, to watch a three-hour parade where everything from football players to piggy banks suddenly became gay. Thousands of people marched in the parade in costumes, underwear or leather, and all were celebrating and barracking for universal gay rights. It was quite the spectacle for Australia, but basically the equivalent of a Tuesday in San Francisco.

Some of my friends in San Fran have actually been doing their part to keep the "Overturn Proposition 8" movement alive. More than 3,000 people marched down Market Street on Wednesday, the night before the California Supreme Court commenced hearing arguments for the validity of Prop 8. While Sydney's Mardi Gras was a celebration for the entire gay community, many more gay rights activists will be celebrating if California and the U.S. can prove to the world they are a leader in the quest for universal equality. It's a big statement but one all Californians can be proud of if and when our judicial system repeals what non-sensical voters helped push through.

So it was a good week here in Australia and abroad. Other than standing for seven consecutive hours waiting for the gay people to actually show up to the parade, I also spent my weekend in Sydney meeting new Canadians and old co-workers. We spent most of the time in The Rocks, enjoying Saturday night beverages and Sunday afternoon refreshers at The Glenmore Hotel and The Argyle. Both were beautiful.

Abroad, Syracuse is FINALLY going to the NCAA Tournament after two years in the NIT. Just two and a half months ago Syracuse was losing at home to Cleveland State and Eric Devendorf was busy punching women in the face (which by the way, all of us who saw Devendorf back in 2006 probably knew that was bound to happen). And now? The Orange finished the regular season 23-8 after an overtime win at Marquette: not too shabby.

Here in Victoria, colder weather has helped with the bushfires, but Australia is still proving it's a land with many natural disasters. On Friday Melbourne had the biggest earthquake in 36 years and a cyclone is currently hitting the state of Queensland. Adding insult to injury, Cyclone Hamish, which was originally expected to effectively flush out dengue-carrying mosquito larvae, is now expected to instead create more breeding grounds for them to spread the disease even further. D'oh!

So 28 weeks down and I'm finally starting to get into The Raveonettes. I always appreciated their Buddy Holly melodies and Everly Brothers harmony, but not until recently did I find out Sune Rose Wagner, the female half of the duo, was actually pretty hot. Suddenly I appreciate their music a little more now. And despite hiring me, Edelman was this week named PRWeek Agency of the Year for the third consecutive year, an impressive accomplishment. Go Team! Anddd... Happy Birthday Tara!!! We'll celebrate when I get back. Miss you all! Twenty-eight weeks down, 24 to go.

Week Twenty-eight Summary:
Weather: Rainy. Twenty-eight weeks and I still don't own a brolly!
New observation: Australians really like the name Hamish. Why???
New activity(ies): Gay Mardi Gras, standing for 7 hours
New food: white wine sangria (yum), lychees (double yum)
New word(s): gobsmacked (surprised). Mozzies v Muzzies (Mosquitos v Muslims) - don't mix them up
New people: heaps of gay people and Canadians. I miss them already.
What I miss: all the randoms outside the Fillmore Center, American bread, the old Joaquin Phoenix, Frappuccinos, 3(0)c1W

Week Twenty-seven

Another shark attack in Sydney *yawn*. Way to be creative there, Sydney. Seriously. You're a beautiful city with a decent personality, so why are you being such an attention whore? (Note that anything found on Wiktionary is ok to publicly type - it means I'm hip with today's slang.) This is the third time in three weeks a shark has bitten a piece of an Aussie, and knowing Sydney it'll happen several more times in the months to come.

Tourism is already floundering here in Australia, and Sydney's weak desparation to get in the news is only hindering this country's ability to recruit international tourists. It doesn't help when the country's iconic airline to import tourists keeps crashing into itself and the country's international spokespeople are these guys. So while Australia may be doing a good job of recruiting accident-prone 41-47-year-old gay males, it hasn't exactly brought in the rest of the masses. Note that it also doesn't help when the international tourism song , "Come to Australia", explicitly confirms tourists may die here.

It's gotten so bad that the only tourists I've been meeting here in Melbourne are Canadians who either want to substitute teach or pick fruit: not exactly the cream of the international tourist crop.

In fact, it's so bad in Queensland that the government is actively targeting and recruiting unemployed people and giving them jobs to aesthetically improve tourist areas. The $57 million plan gives $10.4 million to Tourism Queensland, the same moneybags organization that's giving one lazy bum The Best Job in the World. I can't help but think the money might be better spent hiring a plane and flying 30,000 international tourists to Australia (30,000 people multiplied by $1,900AUS, the average cost of an international flight, equals $57 million).

Tourism Australia did actually launch an expensive tourism campaign already - in conjunction with Baz Lurhmann's movie Australia. Unfortunately, the movie and campaign were released just as the recession started in Australia's key market: The U.S. of A. According to the 15 January edition of Media magazine, the cost of Tourism Australia's ad campaign was $40 million AUS and the cost to make the movie Australia was $130 million. The direct impact is hard to measure, as the impact of the economic downturn instead has resulted in a bleak forecast: In 2009, inbound tourists are expected to decline by 4.1 percent.

Regardless of the government's ineffeciencies at recruiting tourists, I am adamant on doing my part to bring foreigners to this hot, sparsely-populated and disaster-prone land. You see, I have now lived in Australia for 27 weeks and not a single friend, other than Frenchie, has come to visit. Really? How many record-breaking floods, third-world diseases and mass-murdering fires must this country endure before people realize this country has it all?! It's not like I live in Syracuse or Adelaide, the most boring cities in their respective hemispheres. I live in Melbourne. It's fun. Come visit.

And speaking of fires, authorities here are warning Tuesday might be worse than Black Saturday. I even got two text messages from the Victorian Police notifying me of the danger. While several of my friends have called with concern for the fires, several more are pressuring me to risk my life and go into the fires to save koalas. I suppose there are worse ways to die...

Red back, funnel web, blue ringed octopus, Taipan, Tigersnake and a Box Jellyfish; big shark, just waiting for you to go swimming at Bondi Beach; come to Australia: You might accidentally get killed. La la la

Twenty-seven weeks down, 25 to go.

Week Twenty-sevenSummary:
Weather: So inconsistent. Warm, cold, warm, cold, hot, warm, hotter, cold c'mon!
New observation: American Express is a nice credit card to have, unless it's the only credit card you have. Not many places take Amex without charging a usage fee. :(
New activity(ies): Gay eco-friendly vegetarian bars
New food: Singapore stir-fry with crunched up Doritos. YUM :)
New word(s): Tucker (food)
New people: A girl who usually stands across from me on the city tram who looks EXACTLY like Chelsea Clinton, circa 1998.. Not cool.
What I miss: Uluru, my non-girly bed frame, my fluffy mattress pad, my photo albums, Flamin' Hot Cheetos, my mom's shag carpeting, Janet Reno, (any) Mexican food