12,767 Kilometers

2.1

2009-11-03T22:33:00.000-08:00

This is Movember, an annual month-long charity event where men grow moustaches to benefit men’s health issues, specifically prostate cancer and male depression. This is also Don's second attempt at growing a moustache, and who can forget the Failed Moustache Experiment of 2008? (right picture = Day 23, 2008)

According to preliminary survey results, more than 82% of you again don’t believe I can grow a moustache, and approximately 64% of you believe I can only grow a moustache through the use of black Sharpie pens. I appreciate the support. But while I would love for you to stick with me during this month through the thick hairs and the thin, it is your financial support that I am asking you for in 2.1.

With your help, Movember Australia will raise millions of dollars for two very important men’s health causes. Many of us know someone who has suffered from prostate cancer or depression, and the efforts Movember makes to increase awareness of these issues transcends the tiny effort I and others are putting in to grow facial hair.

I will post milestone pictures from Day 1 to Day 30 on 12767K, so you can see the lengthy (figuratively, not literally) journey my moustache will be on over the month of November.

I'm proud to say that four other boys will become men here at Sefiani: Roger Christie, Rod Jago, Dylan Malloch and Hugo Shanahan. This will be the first moustaches for Roger, Rod and Dylan. Although this would ideally be Hugo’s first moustache as well, most experts believe he is purely incapable of growing facial hair. Eighty-three per cent of the firm believes the quintuplet, dubbed Los Bigotes de Sefiani, can grow significant resemblances of moustaches, while 50 per cent said they would even not be embarrassed to be seen in public with us.

It's great fun to see hundreds of dodgy-looking guys in suits in the trains, train stations and supermarkets here in Sydney, and I would encourage each of you to see what you can do to help the Movember Movement. To make a charitable tax-deductable donation, please visit http://au.movember.com/mospace/143217/

2.0

2009-10-26T19:50:00.000-07:00

Round Two. Yes, it's the second year, second city, second visa. It's my second take at Australia and my second take at a blog.

The new and improved iDon 2.0. With a name like that how could this possibly fail??

Ok, Cheesydon – twice as cheesy the second time around.

It's my second year in Australia but unlike the first, I have a sponsored job, large bedroom and private medical insurance. And unlike the first, I’m spending this year in Sydney, the largest city in Australia and home of about 7.2 billion gay people. For those not familiar with Sydney, there are no kangaroos waiting to greet you at the airport - only heaps of wealthy dressed-up douche bags. Sydney is basically a warmer version of London and a less-Jewish version of New York. It’s a transient city with a good-sized financial district (CBD), numerous tourist attractions and relatively good public transportation system.

But unlike Melbourne, Sydney is not a typical Australian city. My neighborhood has no trash cans filled with empty beer bottles or kebab wrappers, and in the four weeks I’ve been here I haven’t seen one jumping, one glassing or one public urination. Yes, there are 740,000 Fitness First centers, but I have yet to see an Indian be harassed or a Greek blast David Guetta through his suped-up Volkswagen speakers. In fact, not once have I been asked where in China I come from or when my boat arrived from Korea. No, Sydney is classier than non-Sydney Australia.

In fact Sydney is so classy that it charges me 10 percent more for groceries, 31 percent more for public transportation and 90 percent more for rent than tiny immature Melbourne used to charge me. Thirty-two dollars to see fish and $198 to walk a bridge make it one of the classiest cities in the world, behind only London, Paris, New York and Berlin. Yes, this is my new hometown.

I do, of course, miss Melbourne and everything it gave me during my first year in Australia - namely the beautiful young vibrancy pouring through the laneways, trendy streets and tree-lined boulevards. I miss the cool crisp twilight walks home through the Botanical Gardens, the Friday nights on Chapel Street and the effervescent weekends in the city. It’s a beautiful town. But Sydney’s my new home and for all the great work Australians did to make Melbourne Melbourne, there is probably no city in the world that can compare to Sydney and its natural beauty.

Every weekday evening I take the Northern Shore train over the Sydney Harbour Bridge and sit on the top deck, staring westward at the sun setting beyond the endless inlets of water. It’s barely a two minute ride over the bridge - not even enough time to listen to Walking on a Dream - but during those 130 seconds half of the people in my carriage do the same thing - put down their mX and stare through the window. The water glistens just before sunset - no reflections of the Opera House or shadows of the bridge staring east or west, just a hazy brightness that is spectacular on its own.

Sydney makes me smile. So too does Australia. It's no wonder people risk life and limb by boating or flying to this country. Round one had its challenges, but not enough to make me believe there was anywhere else I'd rather be than here. And round two can only be better :)

World Blog Surf Day

2009-06-12T00:00:00.000-07:00

Yes, it’s been a while since I’ve updated my blog. Over the past two months, I have been busy working, traveling, parading, booking tickets, drinking, going to the beach, taking pictures and buying new pants. Two months goes quickly, but not long enough to get the NBA playoffs off of ESPN.com. Here are the top 10 highlights of the last two months:

10.National Gallery of Victoria
9. Trip to Brighton Beach
8. Club-hopping with a Canadian guest
7. Second place at Medical Trivia Night
6. Discovery of Twitter
5. Arj Barker at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival
4. Lunch at Guiseppe Arnaldo & Sons
3. Weekend in a summer house in Sorrento on the Mornington Peninsula
2. Four-day trip back to the U.S.
1. Alex's Farewell

But enough about things you are actually interested in – today it’s time to talk about food. Today is World Blog Surf Day, the annual day for expats to blog about one common subject (this year is food) and, by linking to other expats’ blogs, create a chain from Australia to Turkey and everywhere in between. This is the ONLY reason I am updating my blog today, but I actually think talking about food would be a lot of fun!

Along with God and Scarlett Johansson, food is one of my favourite things in the whole wide world, and lately it’s consumed me as much as I’ve consumed it. This past week was the Good Food and Wine Show, the Melbourne Italian Festival, and the second month of my new favourite show, Master Chef.

Master Chef is the American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance of cooking, pitting Austrailan amateur contestants against each other to cook the best dish - with the worst facing elimination. These chefs are quite good (particularly the ultra-hot yet ultra-eliminated Linda Kowalski), but it is also extremely consistent with the rest of Australians.

If there’s one thing Aussies do well, and one thing only, it is cook. Communicate coherently? Nope. Manage the budget? Sorry. Stay sober one night? Not a chance. But grill a flawless snapper with beautiful vegetables and a refreshing glass of wine? You betcha. Melbourne in particular is home to some of the greatest restaurants in the Southern Hemisphere, mixing Asian and European influences with uniquely Australian meat and produce for a wonderful fusion of tastes.

However, most foreigners don't realize just how much great food there is in Melbourne. In fact, food critic Matt Preston recently wrote in The Age that Melbourne is losing its reputation as one of the world’s great food cities, having failed to place a single entry in the world’s 100 best places to eat. He has his own theories, including isolation from the majority of restaurants of the world, but I have a better theory: The world hates Melbourne.

And for good reason. In Melbourne, we are racist, violent, drunk, drug-addicted, backwards and dumb. Who wouldn't hate this city, other than racists, drunkards, illiterates and alcohol suppliers?

As a result, we have been omitted from one of the few things we hold pride in - a list celebrating our food. It is particularly a shame because when tourists visit Australia, they mainly visit Sydney and the Great Barrier Reef, skipping Melbourne entirely. Never mind that Melbourne hosts most of the country's best exhibits, sporting competitions and art galleries. Never mind that it is home to the best nightlife, entertainment and dining.

The food in Australia - everything from the fine dining restaurants to the hole-in-the-wall cafes to the produce section at the local Woolies - is first class, and nowhere is it better than in Melbourne.

Week Thirty-three

2009-04-14T18:10:00.000-07:00

Anything is possible. The Ducks won 10 of their last 12 games to squeak into the eighth and final playoff spot. The U.S. Navy daringly rescued a Somali pirate-captured hostage. And, Matt Riordan found a girl who said 'yes'...to HIM. Matt, for those of you who don't know, lived with me at Farmington Commons for a few months while he was going to school, working at the car wash and studying God. With the attention span of a second grader, the intellect of a chipmunk and the diet of a wild goat that got loose in a 7-eleven, Matt Riordan found one lucky girl to take him for the rest of her life. And you thought the Antwerp train station video was bizarre.

In fact, Matt's announcement caught all of us off guard. He kept the engagement plans a secret and finally announced his engagement not through phone calls or a big party, but via Facebook: one step above tweeting the life-changing announcement and one step below circulating the news via notebook paper in a second grade classroom.

So yet another wedding I'll have to go back for and yet another good friend to finally get hitched. At least I still have you, Tara!!!

Yes, the blog is back, but on its new weekly day: Tuesday. It's just easier this way.

Well, Thursday morning marked tremendous tragedy for Orange County sports fans, including myself. Rookie pitcher Nick Adenhart was more than just the Angels' top prospect - from all accounts he was a terrific person. Adenhart and two others were killed when a drunk driver plowed into their vehicle only a few hours after Adenhart pitched six scoreless innings in the Angels' defeat to the Oakland Athletics. As Rob Neyer and hundreds of other journalists often point out, the Angels have had a history of tragedy. They used to say the organization was cursed, but a championship in 2002 proved otherwise. The Angels are a close-knit team and unlike Australian airlines, will get through this mess.

Of course, another week in Melbourne and another dodgy airline incident, though this time it centers around Dubai-based Emirates Airlines. Flight EK407, carrying 225 passengers headed for Dubai, nearly crashed while taking off in Melbourne. The plane used the entire 3600-meter-long runway before managing to get airborne, and after a thorough investigation it was reported that the passengers were lucky to have escaped without harm. It still beats Qantas.

Qantas yesterday announced it was slashing another 1,750 jobs - the third round of cuts in nine months. In fact, Qantas is so terrible that even the Hell's Angels had been going to Qantas airport terminals just to commit bike gang-related murders. The airline industry has been so bad here that Melbourne held the Birdman competition to see which new flying invention would be the most successful. After all, anything is possible. Unfortunately, the collection of Australian inventors failed to come up with anything.

Well, this week was Easter weekend and I got amazing tickets to my first AFL game at Etihad Stadium, a pretty sweet venue when you're sitting in the Medallion Club. My team, the St Kilda Saints, crushed the West Coast Eagles (AFL's version of the New York Islanders) by almost 100 points. More surprisingly, I came to the conclusion that after only a few months, I am absolutely obsessed with Australian football. I watch it on t.v., dream it at night and read about it online when I wake up in the morning. It's my new Ladette to Lady. I heart it; it completes me.

Thank you for filling out my survey. It is through quantitative research that I have been able to make such vast improvements to my blog, such as write better and include more pictures. It's still been pretty hectic here in Melbourne, but I've enjoyed walking home from work the past few days to enjoy the moment a little longer. At 6 p.m. when the sun sets and the air is crisp and cool, few things beat a casual walk through the Botanical Gardens at twilight, with the street lamps glowing and the joggers breezing past. It's autumn, it's beautiful here and I will do what I can to stay in Melbourne longer. Anything is possible. Thirty-three weeks down, 19 to go.

Week Thirty-three Summary:
Weather: perfect
New observation: Updating a blog requires tremendous time and dedication! I really don't have either.
New activity(ies): Prince of Wales Hotel; 1806
New food: Swedish Easter food (potatoes with anchovies)
New word(s): utilise, capitalise, organise, and other words without a 'z'
New people: a professional hairdresser for the stars; random Swedes who said I spoke excellent Swedish!
What I miss: Cowboys Dance Hall, Broadway Street in Alamo Heights, the Burketts, Lesley and her Duke-arrogance, my red IKEA chairs, Peet's coffee

Week Thirty-two

2009-04-07T02:50:00.000-07:00

I'll need to keep this short yet sweet. Yes, I'm alive.

The last couple of weeks have been incredibly hectic, and as a result I have slacked on my blogging responsibilities. In the last two weeks, I spent 105 hours in the office, attended three overly-ornate client functions and saw my first Grand Prix from Ferrari's corporate suite. I speed dated, went to Boutique and was constantly hit on by Dannii Minogue. Good fun, hard work and no time for the ultra-hot 12,767K. Though I doubt this will be a trend, the busy schedule has forced me to consider new blogging alternatives.

To help me determine my future blogging schedule, please complete my survey. Your feedback is as always much appreciated.

More to come later this week. I promise on Liz's grave. Thirty-two weeks down, 20 to go.

Week Thirty-two Summary:
Weather: Stormy and beautiful.
New observation: Australians LOVE Toto
New activity(ies): Boutique; The Laundry; Spice Market; the Formula 1 Grand Prix
New food: MoMo
New word(s): sneaky drinks (quiet drinks)
New people: Dannii Minogue; heaps of beautiful international flight attendants; speed dating crew; my clients and their problematic children
What I miss: Dannii Minogue; heaps of beautiful international flight attendants; did I mention Dannii Minogue?

Week Thirty

2009-03-23T04:04:00.001-07:00

Week Thirty was deleted by Blogspot when I submitted "Publish Post", and sadly I don't have a backup copy. Blame Blogspot. You will have to wait until Week Thirty-one now.

Week Twenty-nine

2009-03-16T02:18:00.001-07:00

A recent survey this week found UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown to be the country's Most Boring Speaker, ahead of David Beckham and Kate Winslett. He is pretty boring - not just when compared with Barack Obama, Tony Blair or other engaging leaders, but when compared with living mammals of any kind. However, he is not the most boring speaker in the world. I think it's safe to say that honor goes to Kerry O'Brien, host of The 7:30 Report on ABC Australia.

What a bottle of Aquafina is to a refrigerator full of Red Bull, Kerry O'Brien is to the rest of the television personalities here. Listening to him talk is like going to see The Fray perform a 180-minute acoustic concert on a rainy Tuesday late morning in Fort Stockton, Texas, after taking five klonopins without having slept for the previous 76 hours. Adelaide is less boring. In fact hanging out with 17 emo kids would be more fun, because at least you'd be able to do something to them. With Kerry O'Brien you just have to sit and listen.

So another week down and this week I went to Sydney…again. I was only there for about 16 hours, mainly to see one of my clients, but I did enjoy an evening in Darlinghurst catching up with a lovely Canadian bird. I’m not sure why, but Sydney is starting to charm me. Every time I’m there the weather is terrible, the taxis overcharge me and I get hardly any sleep. Yet, the people are delightful and the city is vibrant. Is it possible I'm moving from Team Melbourne to Team Sydney?? I've already switched to Team Edelman, Team Pepsi Max and Team Aniston, so I suppose anything is possible.

After Sydney, I spent the rest of the week working, sleeping and saving money. I did Hoo Haa it Saturday night and I purchased new earphones on Sunday, which are quite frankly the worst earphones I've ever had. Yes they were relatively cheap, but they manage to make every song sound like they are on 808's & Heartbreak or Is This It. And when I do play Kanye or The Strokes, the songs are completely indecipherable.

Well, it’s finally March Madness. Not only is it a pretty exciting time for college basketball fans, it is very exciting for us Syracuse faithful. Friday night was one of the most thrilling basketball games in college basketball history, when Syracuse upset Connecticut in a near-record six overtimes. It reminded me of the Orange's 2006 Big East run, when the Gerry McNamara-inspired team reeled off four consecutive victories to clinch a berth in the NCAA Tournament…only of course, to lose in the first round like they always seem to do. This year, however, the Orange team looks like it can reach the Elite Eight.

Here is my bracket. Don’t copy: I know you want to.

And finally, tomorrow it's time to dust off the 'ol Cranberries cds, boil the potatoes and bust out some mad W.B. Yeats rhymes. Tomorrow it's St. Patrick's Day, the one day each year it's actually cool to be Irish. While some cities dye their river green or have massive boozefests with half a million drunks, Melbourne has both on any given day of the week. Be sure to wear green. Have a great week and Let's Go Cuse! Twenty-nine weeks down, 23 to go.

Week Twenty-nine Summary:
Weather: Starting to get chilly. Like a crisp October night in San Francisco. It's beautiful.
New observation: I had NO IDEA that the lead singer of Silversun Pickups was a dude!!
New activity(ies): spending $132 on a taxi in Sydney. Good thing my company gave me a CabCharge!
New food: Subway breakfast sandwich. The concept sounds terrible, but at 5:15 a.m. it can be beautiful.
New word(s): bugger off! (get bent!)
New people: I FINALLY met someone who LIKED my American accent. I think that was the only thing she liked about me.
What I miss: Shante Micah Schroeder, old Facebook, Whataburger, the Power Players, Matisyahu, my own washer & dryer, summer

Week Twenty-eight

2009-03-09T01:50:00.000-07:00

Optus blows. Not only does my phone service consistently de-credit my account, hang up on important phone calls and get no reception in the first- and second-largest cities in Australia, but it also successfully managed to charge me $35 in roaming fees for calls made in Sydney. And the last time I checked, Sydney was based within Australia. Apparently Optus uses the same phone system as 16th century Africa, at a significantly higher price. Come on Optus, seriously.

So Saturday was Mardi Gras in Sydney, and since it was a three-day weekend I decided to make the 712-kilometer trek to watch how gay people celebrate Mardi Gras. You see, Australia's version of Mardi Gras really has nothing to do with our Mardi Gras, the annual series of events preparing for the start of Lent. There were no beads, no drunk Louisiana Tech frat guys and no delicious gumbo. Mardi Gras here is just one massive gay orgy.

Approximately 871.5 billion gay people flooded Oxford Street, Sydney's version of the Red Light District, to watch a three-hour parade where everything from football players to piggy banks suddenly became gay. Thousands of people marched in the parade in costumes, underwear or leather, and all were celebrating and barracking for universal gay rights. It was quite the spectacle for Australia, but basically the equivalent of a Tuesday in San Francisco.

Some of my friends in San Fran have actually been doing their part to keep the "Overturn Proposition 8" movement alive. More than 3,000 people marched down Market Street on Wednesday, the night before the California Supreme Court commenced hearing arguments for the validity of Prop 8. While Sydney's Mardi Gras was a celebration for the entire gay community, many more gay rights activists will be celebrating if California and the U.S. can prove to the world they are a leader in the quest for universal equality. It's a big statement but one all Californians can be proud of if and when our judicial system repeals what non-sensical voters helped push through.

So it was a good week here in Australia and abroad. Other than standing for seven consecutive hours waiting for the gay people to actually show up to the parade, I also spent my weekend in Sydney meeting new Canadians and old co-workers. We spent most of the time in The Rocks, enjoying Saturday night beverages and Sunday afternoon refreshers at The Glenmore Hotel and The Argyle. Both were beautiful.

Abroad, Syracuse is FINALLY going to the NCAA Tournament after two years in the NIT. Just two and a half months ago Syracuse was losing at home to Cleveland State and Eric Devendorf was busy punching women in the face (which by the way, all of us who saw Devendorf back in 2006 probably knew that was bound to happen). And now? The Orange finished the regular season 23-8 after an overtime win at Marquette: not too shabby.

Here in Victoria, colder weather has helped with the bushfires, but Australia is still proving it's a land with many natural disasters. On Friday Melbourne had the biggest earthquake in 36 years and a cyclone is currently hitting the state of Queensland. Adding insult to injury, Cyclone Hamish, which was originally expected to effectively flush out dengue-carrying mosquito larvae, is now expected to instead create more breeding grounds for them to spread the disease even further. D'oh!

So 28 weeks down and I'm finally starting to get into The Raveonettes. I always appreciated their Buddy Holly melodies and Everly Brothers harmony, but not until recently did I find out Sune Rose Wagner, the female half of the duo, was actually pretty hot. Suddenly I appreciate their music a little more now. And despite hiring me, Edelman was this week named PRWeek Agency of the Year for the third consecutive year, an impressive accomplishment. Go Team! Anddd... Happy Birthday Tara!!! We'll celebrate when I get back. Miss you all! Twenty-eight weeks down, 24 to go.

Week Twenty-eight Summary:
Weather: Rainy. Twenty-eight weeks and I still don't own a brolly!
New observation: Australians really like the name Hamish. Why???
New activity(ies): Gay Mardi Gras, standing for 7 hours
New food: white wine sangria (yum), lychees (double yum)
New word(s): gobsmacked (surprised). Mozzies v Muzzies (Mosquitos v Muslims) - don't mix them up
New people: heaps of gay people and Canadians. I miss them already.
What I miss: all the randoms outside the Fillmore Center, American bread, the old Joaquin Phoenix, Frappuccinos, 3(0)c1W

Week Twenty-seven

2009-03-02T01:26:00.001-08:00

Another shark attack in Sydney *yawn*. Way to be creative there, Sydney. Seriously. You're a beautiful city with a decent personality, so why are you being such an attention whore? (Note that anything found on Wiktionary is ok to publicly type - it means I'm hip with today's slang.) This is the third time in three weeks a shark has bitten a piece of an Aussie, and knowing Sydney it'll happen several more times in the months to come.

Tourism is already floundering here in Australia, and Sydney's weak desparation to get in the news is only hindering this country's ability to recruit international tourists. It doesn't help when the country's iconic airline to import tourists keeps crashing into itself and the country's international spokespeople are these guys. So while Australia may be doing a good job of recruiting accident-prone 41-47-year-old gay males, it hasn't exactly brought in the rest of the masses. Note that it also doesn't help when the international tourism song , "Come to Australia", explicitly confirms tourists may die here.

It's gotten so bad that the only tourists I've been meeting here in Melbourne are Canadians who either want to substitute teach or pick fruit: not exactly the cream of the international tourist crop.

In fact, it's so bad in Queensland that the government is actively targeting and recruiting unemployed people and giving them jobs to aesthetically improve tourist areas. The $57 million plan gives $10.4 million to Tourism Queensland, the same moneybags organization that's giving one lazy bum The Best Job in the World. I can't help but think the money might be better spent hiring a plane and flying 30,000 international tourists to Australia (30,000 people multiplied by $1,900AUS, the average cost of an international flight, equals $57 million).

Tourism Australia did actually launch an expensive tourism campaign already - in conjunction with Baz Lurhmann's movie Australia. Unfortunately, the movie and campaign were released just as the recession started in Australia's key market: The U.S. of A. According to the 15 January edition of Media magazine, the cost of Tourism Australia's ad campaign was $40 million AUS and the cost to make the movie Australia was $130 million. The direct impact is hard to measure, as the impact of the economic downturn instead has resulted in a bleak forecast: In 2009, inbound tourists are expected to decline by 4.1 percent.

Regardless of the government's ineffeciencies at recruiting tourists, I am adamant on doing my part to bring foreigners to this hot, sparsely-populated and disaster-prone land. You see, I have now lived in Australia for 27 weeks and not a single friend, other than Frenchie, has come to visit. Really? How many record-breaking floods, third-world diseases and mass-murdering fires must this country endure before people realize this country has it all?! It's not like I live in Syracuse or Adelaide, the most boring cities in their respective hemispheres. I live in Melbourne. It's fun. Come visit.

And speaking of fires, authorities here are warning Tuesday might be worse than Black Saturday. I even got two text messages from the Victorian Police notifying me of the danger. While several of my friends have called with concern for the fires, several more are pressuring me to risk my life and go into the fires to save koalas. I suppose there are worse ways to die...

Red back, funnel web, blue ringed octopus, Taipan, Tigersnake and a Box Jellyfish; big shark, just waiting for you to go swimming at Bondi Beach; come to Australia: You might accidentally get killed. La la la

Twenty-seven weeks down, 25 to go.

Week Twenty-sevenSummary:
Weather: So inconsistent. Warm, cold, warm, cold, hot, warm, hotter, cold c'mon!
New observation: American Express is a nice credit card to have, unless it's the only credit card you have. Not many places take Amex without charging a usage fee. :(
New activity(ies): Gay eco-friendly vegetarian bars
New food: Singapore stir-fry with crunched up Doritos. YUM :)
New word(s): Tucker (food)
New people: A girl who usually stands across from me on the city tram who looks EXACTLY like Chelsea Clinton, circa 1998.. Not cool.
What I miss: Uluru, my non-girly bed frame, my fluffy mattress pad, my photo albums, Flamin' Hot Cheetos, my mom's shag carpeting, Janet Reno, (any) Mexican food

Week Twenty-six

2009-02-23T01:19:00.000-08:00

Has anyone else noticed that Australians don’t say “Bless you” after you sneeze? I have seen beautiful women sneeze in a train filled with men, and little children sneeze in front of their parents at dinner, and not a single “God bless you”, “Gesundheit”, or “Ewww, get away from me” to be heard. When I sneeze I expect to be blessed, and thus far I haven’t been.

In fact, Australians seem to have an obvious tendency to talk, a lot, yet rarely do they ever talk politely, with regard for another’s welfare, or with manners. And that is the premise for my new favorite show, Ladette to Lady.

What Prince Harry is to Natalie Imbruglia, Ladette to Lady is to me. "Ladette", a new reality show in which bogan Australian girls are taught proper etiquette in England, originally grabbed my attention when the Australian women were seen farting, burping and urinating on the street. Like Prince Harry, the Aussie women are depicted as drunk, obnoxious and overly politically-incorrect, and like the older Natalie Imbruglia, I am infatuated with it all. The show is proof that girls from Boston are not the most annoying girls in the entire world. They're only second.

Good to see Slumdog cleaned up at the Oscars, though I was devastated not to see Freida Pinto accept an Academy Award for her achievement as Hottest Female Ever 2009. As could be expected, everyone here has tremendous admiration for Perth-born Heath Ledger, and since Australians normally only win things of non-importance, yesterday's victory was quite special for the Land of Oz. I didn't get to see the Oscars due to the time difference, but I hope all of you girls enjoyed it, and that you guys won your Oscars drinking games.

Well, yesterday was the last day to apply for The Best Job in the World. I know that all of you are asking where my video application is, but unfortunately I didn't apply. In fact, I was ineligible. Because I am using a Work & Holiday visa (Subclass 462), and because I am still in Australia, I do not qualify for the necessary Sublcass 457 visa. I really don't think that's very fair. Not that any video of me would ever get me a job (or anything other than a mocking), The Best Job in the World needs to be one that anyone qualified can apply for. While visa restrictions are out of the Tourism Queensland's hands, the job shouldn't be advertised as some open international competition if it really is not. At least the government's not tightening restrictions to keep working here - good news for all of you who want to follow in my amazing footsteps.

Regardless, I’m officially at the halfway point of my Australian adventure, and to acknowledge the occasion I decided to dust off the 'ol 100 Things I Have to Do in Australia checklist and see how far

I've gotten. While I have yet to wrestle a shark, become more masculine or outdrink an Aussie, I have achieved nearly half of what I set out to accomplish. I sailed the Whitsundays, snorkeled the Reef, hugged a koala, hiked Uluru and saw the Twelve Apostles. I surfed the Gold Coast, attended the Australian Open and sunbathed on the beaches of Sydney. Half of the list is complete and I have half a year to finish what I came here to do.

Twenty-six weeks down, 26 to go.

Week Twenty-six Summary:
Weather: Consistently in the 30s.. I'm actually starting to get used to the heat.
New observation: Australians really like bad American 80s music.
New activity(ies): baking
New food: Australian breakfast tacos
New word(s): Toowoomba, Gympie, Ballina, Ipswich, Maribyrnong and other retarded city names.
New people: another Brandon who mispells his name "Brandan".
What I miss: Fantastic Sam’s, cheap dry cleaning, dodgy Mission bars, sleeping in, my four oversized pillows, Bistro Burger

Week Twenty-five

2009-02-16T00:31:00.001-08:00

Uh-oh. In a recent incident at a Beijing bookstore that bodes very, very poorly for influential bloggers such as myself, one prominent Chinese blogger was stabbed yesterday as a result of his anti-establishment writings. According to the article, Xu Lai, a newspaper journalist and novelist, had published many writings about government corruption and satirical items on the Communist party, censorship and the melamine milk scandal. And for that, he was STABBED. So yay establishment!!! I heart you, wacky federal leader of the centre-left Australian Labor Party. You complete me.

Actually, a lot of Aussies do like The Establishment. On Thursday, Edelman Australia released the results of its 2009 Trust Barometer, which studied trust among 4,475 key opinion leaders in 20 countries, and government ranked higher than business in terms of trust. When it comes to business, however, Australian key opinion leaders apparently listen to too much XTC.

According to the results, 74% of Australians trust business less than they did last year, and they trust business significantly less than every other country/region to 1) act quickly to correct problems, 2) make changes so the problems don't happen again, 3) admit their mistakes when things go wrong, 4) make full public disclosure about the problems and their causes, 5) have execs take a visible lead in communicating about the problems, etc.

Another reason Aussies probably listen to XTC: They are one of the world's least religious people. Coincidence?

But aside from being cynics, Australians are also really fun drunks. And on Saturday night, all of the fun cynical drunks came out to celebrate Valentine's Day with other fun cynical drunks. No flowers? No worries - beer was in full supply at the Carlton Hotel, a local establishment in the heart of downtown. I and one other fellow spent the night with seven single women, which prevented me from 1) drunk dialing an ex-girlfriend, 2) finding new Valentine's Day romance, or 3) staying home eating chocolate listening to Fergie on the sofa in a pool of my own tears.

Well, the Victoria bush fires are still dominating the headlines everywhere in the country. On Friday and Saturday a fire in nearby Healesville caused an eery haze that covered the sky and smoke that filled the air. It really reminds me of the wild fires that plagued California for the past half-dozen years. It's been a sad nine days with 189 now reported dead, but more than $100 million has already been donated, which for a country of only 21 million people, is quite an impressive feat. Aussies do support Aussies and it's great to see the nation come together, even over tragedy.

So I'm almost at the half-way point of my Work & Holiday visa. I feel like I've actually done a lot in these past 25 weeks. I've had two jobs. I've written six press releases for CSG. I've met a lot of cool people and had a lot of great memories. Still, though, I can't help but look ahead and wonder where I'll be come Week 53. There's a good chance I'll still be in Melbourne, but I reckon there's a better chance I'll be elsewhere. London? Sydney?? New York??? Any other ideas? In the meantime, I've got half a year left to see the city and conquer the country and region. And get hangers. I need hangers. Twenty-five weeks down, 27 to go.

Week Twenty-five Summary:
Weather: Was perfect, now getting hot again. Stupid sun.
New observation: It seems as though more Europeans, Americans and Asians make the trek to Uluru than Australians
New activity(ies): Working on Saturdays
New food: seafood pizza
New word(s): spelling words that should have a "z" with an "s", i.e. capitalisation, organise or realise.
New people: the checkout lady at Safeway knows me, and I'm not sure how or why...
What I miss: the 2000-2002 Los Angeles Lakers, cilantro on tacos, my DVD collection of The Office, coupons in the Sunday paper, 3C1W2008 (has it really been a whole year???)

Week Twenty-four

2009-02-09T00:26:00.000-08:00

Does anybody really believe in "global warming"? I mean come on, it's got to be a myth. Like "economic downturn" or "yawning is contagious", nobody actually really believes any of this liberal-fed gobbledygook. Well, those Silicon Valley nerds might in fact have been on to something.

Saturday was the hottest day in the history of everything. The temperature in Melbourne reached 46.4 degrees Celsius (that's over 115 F), which for Don is the equivalent of about 17.8 layers of deodorant. In case you're curious, here is the formula I am using:

The Don Takaya Deoderant Quotient

When the temperature is below 14 degrees Celsius, I am technically ok without deodorant. When the temperature is between 14.1 and 19.1 I need one layer of deodorant. When the temperature is between 19.1 and 21.6 I need two layers. When the temperature is between 21.6 and 23.6 I need three layers. Anything above 23.6 gets calculated at [one layer for every 1.65 degrees through 35 degrees], and [one layer for every 1.45 degrees above 35 degrees].

As such, the formula for Saturday's DTDQ is as follows: 1 + 1 + 1 + 6.91 + 7.86 = 17.77 layers of Deoderant. And no, the type of deoderant, the time of day applied, nor the number of minutes following a shower all do not factor into this equation. Equation trademarked.

In the country, the hot weather fueled by hot and dry winds, similar to Orange County's Santa Ana winds, resulted in Victoria's worst bushfires since Ash Wednesday. In fact, the bushfires have since gripped the entire nation, and tens of thousands have already donated $7 million to the Red Cross. Unbenknownst to the fact there were fires going on in the distance, I spent the day ironically enough, firing up the barbie for a barbecue. Apparently Swedes don't believe in "fire bans".

I also spent Saturday watching Slumdog Millionaire, an award-winning film that brought up many important issues, including the gentrification of Mumbai, the religious hostility between Hindus and Muslims, and how/why I had never before heard of Freida Pinto, the hottest female in the history of everything. Needless to say I spent much of Saturday night images.google.com.au'ing "Freida Pinto", for research purposes for this blog.

On Sunday I attended the St Kilda Festival, the largest patronised, free music festival in the Southern Hemisphere. Approximately 300,000 attended the day-long street event in my hometown, and it was quite a spectacle. And of course, on Sunday night I resumed my pictorial search of Freida Pinto.

Well, five and a half months in Australia and I finished my first week at Edelman. After only five days I can already tell how different Edelman is from B-M, and how different my role and my responsibilities will be from my previous job. They're doing a lot of cool things at Edelman, and even though my Friday was spent in non-casual attire, without a morning fruit basket, and contained no Happy Hour wine nor chips, the level of projects and programs I'm working on make the hours in the cube pass by with ease. There's even a little cafe downstairs in the courtyard that sells ice cold Diet Cokes, and it only took three days for the cashier to pick up on my DC addiction. So Happy Black History Month Jasmine, and Happy Valentines Day mom!!! :( I still need a girlfriend. Twenty-four weeks down, 28 to go.

Week Twenty-three Summary:
Weather: Finally starting to cool down, but still too hot for suits
New observation: Holidays are much more fun than workdays
New activity(ies): electronic roulette (stupid electronic roulette) :(
New food: 4-day old dim sum (it was on sale)
New word(s): "the" in front of sports. i.e. "I'm going to watch the tennis" or "We're going to the cricket."
New people: new colleagues at Edelman, half of whom are pregnant
What I miss: George W. Bush's foreign policy expertise, Syracuse defense, cheap fruit, Del Taco on a Tuesday night, Safeway online grocery delivery (the best way to get 144 cans of Diet Coke to a third floor apartment).

Week Twenty-three

2009-02-02T00:07:00.000-08:00

Apparently I moved to Death Valley. This week Melbourne became hotter than Bobby Knight's son at an NCAA basketball game. Temperatures consistently reached the low-to-lower-mid 40's, setting a record for three consecutive days of at least 43 degrees, and causing heaps of problems for commuters, fire fighters and everyone else, including me (As we all know, "Don" and "extremely hot weather" don't often go well together in the same sentence, and are often joined together by the phrases "practically dies in", "wants to vomit in", or "wants to pass out as a result of"). To escape the blistering heat, I went to the Australian Outback, where the average high was only 41 degrees. Unfortunately, there was no air conditioning at Uluru.

Most people from around the globe know that the Great Barrier Reef is one of the unique natural wonders of the world, but not as many are familiar with Uluru. The fact is, neither The Reef nor The Rock are one of the seven wonders, but both are on the shortlist to be named among the new seven wonders of the natural world.

Uluru, also referred to as Ayers Rock, is an 863-meter high sandstone rock formation in the middle of nowhere, is a world heritage site, and has tremendous sacred cultural significance to Aboriginals in Australia. It is also significant in terms of history, geology, flora and fauna, and more than 400,000 visitors each year come to Uluru to witness its beauty, hike its trails, camp in its wilderness and return home filled with new insight and an uncleanable stench of bugspray and sweat. I took a 27-minute shower when I got home and plan on taking three more 27-minute showers tomorrow as well.

My three-day backpacking and camping adventure was one of the coolest experiences I have ever had. Each night I slept outside underneath the stars with a half-dozen new friends, and each morning we woke up at 4 to hike King's Canyon, Uluru or Kata Tjuta, as well as to see the sunrise at Uluru. I was covered in filth, sweat and 7,489 flies, and surrounded by insects larger than a 600ml bottle of Diet Coke, yet enjoyed the entire experience.

Well, the 23rd week was probably the most active week I've had in quite some time, ironic since it was the hottest week I've ever had, ever. Monday was Australia Day, when I went to Federation Square to watch the fireworks and chant "Aussie Aussie Aussie Oi Oi Oi". Tuesday I had lunch with my wonderful former B-M colleagues, and Wednesday I spent all day at the Australian Open, watching Serena and Verdasco win their quarterfinal matches at Rod Laver Arena. Then Thursday morning I headed to Alice Springs, spending three days on the camping and hiking tour, before spending Saturday night at Bojangles in Alice Springs. And Sunday, of course, I watched the fantastic final between Federer and Nadal.

Oh, and I also accepted a new job. Today I officially joined the corporate practice in the Melbourne office of the world's largest independent public relations agency. It's a six month contract with a possibility to stay longer, which will at the very least be able to keep me in Australia a little bit longer and enable me to fulfill the length of my visa. I'm excited to join Edelman and look forward to working with some of the best minds in the Australian PR industry. Going back to work, however, ughhh...

So Don's seven week holiday is finally at its end, and it was definitely a fun seven weeks. Seven flights, seven days of sailing and nearly seven thousand Australian dollars spent in the seven weeks of holiday, which means it's probably time I get back into the swing of things working the 9-to-6 again. I think my dry cleaner had already forgotten me. And if you're a Pittsburgh Steeler fan, you can just stop. You may be a national champion but city is still boring and you still have the Pirates. Twenty-three weeks down, 29 to go.

Week Twenty-three Summary:

Weather: The hottest week in the history of everything
New observation: It seems as though more Europeans, Americans and Asians make the trek to Uluru than Australians

New activity(ies): Outback camping, filthy hostel showering, dodgy cheap Australian airlines

New food: spaghetti stir-fry
New word(s): "to be sure to be sure" ~ token Irish girl on the tour

New people: a dozen Europeans on the Uluru tour

What I miss: being on holiday, Super Bowl commercials, having a big bedroom, MySpace, everyone from Contiki 1, driving on the right side of the road

Week Twenty-two

2009-01-26T00:27:00.000-08:00

Happy Australia Day!! Today is the official national day of Australia, celebrated annually on the 26th of January to commemorate the proclamation of British sovereignty at Sydney Cove in 1788. There are heaps of events going on today all over the city, including parades, fireworks and millions of Aussies drinking and barbecuing all day, about half of whom doing so because it's Australia Day. I decided to celebrate by going to Federation Square, the center of Melbourne, to watch fireworks and tennis with a Canuck and 3,000 French supporters rooting against my boy Blake. Uhh, les gens stupides!

It's been a busy week in Melbourne with the Australian Open now half-way complete, and with the long weekend catering to thousands of local, national and international visitors. It's also been a busy week back home. Apparently on Tuesday we got a Black president. Did you know that? I was in New Zealand at the time, but according to every single person I met during the last few days, it's true. One Finnish backpacker said he could no longer hate Americans because of it, which is as nice a compliment a European could bestow on an American.

Last week I dusted off my trusty backpack and traveled through the northern island of New Zealand and Sydney, meeting many backpackers from all over Europe, Australia, the U.S. and Canada. It was great to meet and inspirational to chat with young kids fresh out of college and older professionals taking breaks in their careers, all to spend months away from home to see the world and gain new perspective. The trip itself was also fantastic.

After I left boring Auckland on Wednesday, I spent three days in the Bay of Islands, sailing, boating and speed boating. I also took two ferries and a cruise, spending as much time on the water as possible. There are 144 islands in the Bay of Islands, and the famous Hole in the Rock is among them in the northeastern part of the bay. One could sense the amazing originality in naming their landmarks ("Wow this is a great bay, with many islands"/"What should we call it"/"I know, 'Bay of Islands'"...), while sailing through the picturesque location. It was beautiful and the weather was fantastic. I even hung out with dolphins!

Following my four days in New Zealand, I spent 22 jam-packed hours in Sydney, touring Kings Cross, Lane Cove and walking from Bronte to Bondi Beach. It was great to see different parts of Sydney and I have to say, I'd definitely be keen to live there as well as Melbourne. Perhaps I'll get that chance.

Traveling with open-minded and big-eyed backpackers have again made me appreciate the situation I am in, knowing that it's a rare opportunity that I've been blessed with to live in a different part of the world and embrace the various new cultures. I'll do my best to find something to keep me here, even if just for a few more months, so I can go back to the States having fulfilled my time abroad. I'll have more clarity by the end of this week.

Well, Wednesday I'm off to the Australian Open quarterfinals and on Thursday I head over to Alice Springs and Uluru. I'll be back in time for the Super Bowl. Arizona 20, Pittsburgh 17. Twenty-two weeks down, 30 to go...??

Week Twenty-two Summary:

Weather: It was as perfect a week weather-wise as possible. This week, however, will likely blow.

New observation: Aussies abroad are LOUD. It's a wonder why people think Americans are annoying...

New activity(ies): Speed boating, Australia Day

New food: New Zealand barbecue

New word(s): "yo it's sweet as bro" & "Haere mai" - two traditional Maori phrases, according to a Maori tour guide."

New people: all of the randoms on the Bay of Islands bus tour

What I miss: making fun of Jameson Bull, Fisherman's Wharf on a foggy winter morning, Arrested Development, my feather queen-sized comforter, air conditioning

Week Twenty-one

2009-01-19T02:55:00.000-08:00

So tomorrow is The Inauguration, the hottest ticket event since Right Said Fred took over Berlin in 2006. But who needs to spend $10,000+ to see it live when you can go to Legoland and see the much better Lego Inauguration? And you wondered whether or not nerds with too much time on their hands could ever find employment. If only I were so lucky.

This is the fifth full week of Don's inaugural 2008-2009 vacation. As such, I decided to spend this week in the Land Under the Land Down Under: Hot, sunny, flat, beachy New Zealand. Actually no, it's not. It's pretty darn cold here. I arrived in Auckland, the second-most boring city in the Southern Hemisphere, four hours ago and it took me one hour to get my luggage, one hour to get a shuttle and get to my hotel, ten minutes to see the city, one hour to eat and fifty minutes to find an internet cafe. There's not a lot to do here. In fact, my three-hour flight delay in the international terminal at Tullamarine Airport had more to do, as there were two cafes and some duty free shops. Auckland only has a McDonald's.

Luckily, tomorrow I will be meeting with a Contiki mate and on Wednesday I head to the Bay of Islands for two fun-filled days of sightseeing. This is good because unfortunately, there's plenty going on Australia and my timing was as usual, very very poor. Lance Armstrong flew all the way from Austin, the coolest city in America, to take a bike ride through Adelaide, the most boring city in the Southern Hemisphere, in the 2009 Tour Down Under (you were wondering what could trump Auckland). The Tour Down Under started yesterday, the day before the Australian Open.

For the past month, the most elite tennis players in the world have been touring Australia and playing in smaller competitions to bone up for The Big One. I'm totally pumped! I have a ground pass for the Monday I get back and tickets to the Quarterfinals on the 28th of January, and during the weekends the city apparently becomes more alive with even more dancing, drinking, pickpocketing, theft and good old fashioned alcohol-induced Aussie street violence. While I will be doing my best to avoid all of that, I will be watching good tennis and hope my boy Roddick will come through with at least a semifinal appearance. After all, should he really have to spend any more time with Brooklyn than is absolutely necessary? I say no.

So Week 21 is almost in the books and it was spent with some more Contiki friends seeing some more of the city. I finally went to the Queen Victoria Market and caught up on a few errands. Nothing new to report on the job front, but things look promising both here and abroad. At least more promising than they did in Week 20. And with that, my one-hour internet allotment is nearing an end. Worst $7.92US I ever spent. And I can't forget: Happy MLK Day Jasmine!! Twenty-one weeks down, 31 to go...??

Week Twenty-one Summary:
Weather: Tuesday was 40, but every day afterwards was PERFECT. And it's only 18 here in Auckland!
New observation: with 24-hour food courts, entertainment, movie theatres, shops and more, you really could live in the Crown Casino and never leave.
New activity(ies): Queen Victoria Market, international flights out of Tullamarine
New food: shrimp on the barbie!! Yum.
New word(s): "This week: Sale on Diet Coke". The greatest phrase I heard in the past 21 weeks and it came in Auckland.
"New people: More Northern Irish professional poker players
What I miss: inauguration day, non-Qantas flights, John Wayne International Airport, laughing at the Arizona Cardinals, Arrowhead Mountain spring water

Week Twenty

2009-01-12T04:27:00.000-08:00

American legend Slappy White once said that "The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job." So, my work day officially began at 10:17 a.m. Not good if you're a retail worker, administrative assistant or newspaper delivery boy, but not too shabby if you're a Somali pirate, professional poker player or lead singer of Guns N' Roses. And the last time I checked, those three professions were much more lucrative, meaning I am definitely on the right track.

It's the twentieth week and my how time flies when you're incredibly utterly hopelessly bored. It's been one month since my last day at Burson-Marsteller and during this month I have definitely seen a lot of Australia. This past week one of my mates from my previous holiday came and spent four fun-filled days touring Melbourne. Of course I had to be a good host and show Sylvain, a stereotypical French-Canadian hockey-playing drunk, that Melbourne was the best city in the entire world. I accomplished this feat by showing him the Royal Botanical Gardens, taking the Yarra boat cruise down the country's dirtiest river, and waking up too late to take a tour of the MCG. We also got lost twice, took the wrong tram twice and spent the first half of Tuesday waiting for me to get a haircut, which altogether shows I should not be counted upon to know this city nor to be a good host.

I did, however, treat Sylvain to delicious $4 pizzas at Lucky Coq, two beers at the Belgian and a night of reminiscing with fellow Contiki alums at Bridie O'Reilly's. Good fun with good people.

I also spent a good day of sightseeing with my favorite Irish former-colleague, where we visited the sprawling towns of Gisborne and New Gisborne, as well as the Hanging Rock Reserve, which obviously needs to change its name as there were no African-Australian tourists within a 50-kilometer radius (note that this is not the same owner as that of Megan's favorite "hangout", the Hangin' Tree Saloon).

Hanging Rock, a formation and collection of volcanic rocks about an hour northwest of Melbourne, was popularized by a book and subsequent film documenting the mysterious disappearance of several schoolgirls who picnicked at the site in 1900. Apparently three schoolgirls mysteriously vanished into the rocks, showing that even more than a century ago Australian girls weren't exactly the brightest stars in the universe.

Now that I've seen the infamous Hanging Rock, as well as Melbourne, Sydney and coastal Queensland, I'm wondering where I should go next. I have a diminishing savings account but a desire to see more. Although I finished my amazing Queensland holiday over a week ago, this past week was just as fun seeing parts of Melbourne I had never before visited and other parts I never knew existed. I'm running out of time before I have to go home, and I want to spend these weeks that I'm not working touring other local places. Next on my to-go list include (though I know I won't be able to accomplish all of them): New Zealand, Uluru, Tasmania and Perth - in that order.

Finally, I know a lot of you are wondering when I'm coming home for good. I'm purposefully being relatively vague as there are still several scenarios that can happen that would alter my plan. I have come up with a couple of different plans accordingly. I'm currently looking for opportunities in Melbourne, Sydney, New York and San Francisco, and really don't see myself in any other locale in 2009. Of course if things don't work out, then in 2010 I might expand that list to include Texas, Canada, law school, a gutter, an Asian boy band, Borders Books & Music, Syracuse and the Singapore Taxi Academy, as places I could picture myself twelve months from today. So as it stands, week 20 is in the books and the question mark countdown remains: Twenty weeks down, 32 to go...??

Week Twenty Summary:

Weather: It's supposed to be 39 degrees on Wednesday. That's CELCIUS. I want to jump off a bridge.

New observation: Something crazy cool better happen at Obama's inauguration for $20,095!

New activity(ies): river cruise, St. Kilda pier and the local Hanging Rock

New word(s): Ute (utility vehicle), throw a wobbly (lose your temper)

New people: the Kosters, the Coopers, and Joe's personal taxi driver

What I miss: the NFL playoffs, Family Guy, my U.S. phone book, Carl's Jr., Kings of Leon, North American bacon, my old iPod (the one with all of my songs :( ).

Week Nineteen

2009-01-05T00:04:00.001-08:00

So this is the New Year and as such, our lives all of a sudden become open to endless possibilities. We can start to live a healthier, more productive life and write a tidy little list of things that we'll be better at this year than last. Democratic Americans, Syracuse football fans and high school seniors have been looking forward to the change 2009 may bring for quite some time. For me, however, I set my life's changes in action 19 weeks ago and I'm starting January no different than the way I started December or November: with a freshly-shaven face, an ice cold Diet Coke and a new blog entry.

I know. You've all had lame Christmases and lackluster New Year's Eves. You've been spending an overwhelming time boring yourselves silly with your boring families and boring friends in your boring homes and you've all been anxiously awaiting today's entry for the last three weeks. Lucky for you, today is Monday and it's Week 19 on 12,767KM. My how time flies.

A lot's happened in the past three weeks. Violence has escalated in Gaza, the PAC-10 went 5-0 in bowl games and a series of avalanches rocked British Columbia. But more importantly, Don did a lot of pretty cool stuff. No, he didn't get engaged like some Syracuse classmates, and no...he didn't get a new job. But, from December 18th through the 31st, he did travel more than 1,800 kilometers from Cairns to Surfer's Paradise with half a hundred strangers, seeing the Great Barrier Reef, Whitsunday Islands, Fraser Island, Brisbane and Gold Coast, among other locations. While the weather was as expected, ridiculously hot, the activities more than compensated for the heat as we spent a significant portion of time in the pool, river, lake or ocean, and the rest of the time I spent in a pool of my own sweat.

The main attraction was the Whitsunday Islands, what several natives said they would most like to see if they vacationed in Australia. The Whitsundays are a group of 74 islands composed of dense green pine forests, vivid blue water and roughly contoured coastlines that give the group of islands instant eye appeal. I spent two days from December 23rd until the 25th sailing the islands, going to the beaches and snorkeling the waters in-between, in what was definitely something I won't forget. I slept on the deck both nights, next to three of the loudest snorers in the Southern Hemisphere, on a hard rounded surface that made my back ache for the next three days, but it was well worth it.

Of course, the real highlight of the trip was meeting so many wonderful people from all six continents. There were approximately 50 of us from all over the world - Singapore to South Africa, Switzerland to New Zealand and Montreal to Sao Paulo, and we all spent our Christmases together in the Whitsundays. We started each of my dozen days at around 6 or 7 a.m., averaging two or three times as many drinks-consumed than hours-slept per day, and bonding over unique stories and shared adventures in beautiful coastal Queensland, Australia. Some of my own personal highlights include:

10. Sleeping on the deck underneath the stars on a flotilla yacht in the Whitsundays

9. Cuddling a koala in Kuranda
8. Winning the Battle of the Sexes contest in Cairns by stripping, lap dancing and drinking mystery beverages
7. White water rafting the Tully River, a class 3-4 rapids
6. Surfing on the coast of Surfer's Paradise in the Gold Coast
5. Diving into a waterfall and lake on the border of Queensland and New South Wales
4. Snorkeling the Great Barrier Reef
3. Drinking beer underneath the Milky Way on a farm in Rockhampton
2. Swimming with sea turtles in the Whitsundays on Christmas Eve
1. Caryn introducing herself to the German by calling him a douche bag. "Vaht es a douche bag?" "You're a douche bag."

It was a fantastic trip and exactly what I needed. Now there is some irony in that this two-week holiday has actually made me want to go back home. I traded a Christmas vacation in California for a Christmas vacation in Queensland, and took this trip to fully experience Australia. I wanted to avoid the Americans and hang out with Europeans and South Americans who like me, came here with an open mind and desire to see a new part of the world and the culture that lied within. And I loved the culture and adored this part of the world. Yet, by hanging out with Americans, incredibly funny, sweet and smart Americans, I realized how much I miss all of my friends back home, and by seeing the best sights in Australia I'm not sure what more there is left for me to really see and do here on the limited budget I am on.

There are a few people who want me to stay and quite a few more who want me to come back home. I'm at a point where I'm happy to go back home for good within the next few weeks or month, unless something compelling enters my life and coerces me to stay. I'm still convinced that there are more opportunities for me here, but the extent of which I'm uncertain. I now have two recruitment representatives working with and for me, and during this "transition period" I can see more of Australia. It's a new year and with that come new goals and new resolutions, but mine are the same as they were on August 27th: to see more of this world, to gain life perspective, to meet amazing people and to come back to the States a better and more-rounded person. Nineteen weeks down, 33 to go...??

Week Nineteen Summary:
Weather: HOT. In Queensland the sun really beats down on you...
New observation: ...it's little wonder why skin cancer is a problem in Queensland. I went through an entire bottle of sunscreen and then an entire jar of aloe vera :(
New activity(ies): white water rafting, surfing, snorkeling, koala cuddling, sailing, German mocking, kangaroo eating
New food: emu, crocodile and kangaroo
New word(s): sus, as in dodgy, as in sketchy, as in "The bus driver is sus."
New people: An Aussie who used the international distress signal by accident, a German douche bag, a Slovakian drug dealer, an Indian 7-11 worker and a French Canadian who's spending the week at my place
What I miss: Tara Zoellner, Matt Gorman, New York City, rooting against the Patriots, everyone from my amazing holiday

Week Sixteen

2008-12-15T00:26:00.001-08:00

I have some very bad news for all of you loyal blog readers: Due to travel, this will be the last 12,767 Kilometers entry of 2008. Yes, my blog is joining me on a 2-week hiatus, as I will likely have limited-to-no access to a computer. I know. It'll be rough. But try and spend time with your families instead, and if that makes you even more bored, watch Chrismukkah reruns on iTunes. That's what I would do!

Well, Tuesday was my last official day at B-M and my wonderful colleagues gave me two 30-packs of Diet Coke as a farewell gift. While I would have prefered to have been remembered for my contributions to new business, excellent client service or creative ideas for 2009 PR plans, apparently my legacy will instead be the 16-20 Diet Cokes I consumed on an average week. Obviously I will be missed.

The job search, however, has officially begun and I can't say I've had much luck thus far. One of you valued readers suggested I should look for job opportunities as a blogger, a form of new media that is becoming increasingly utilized by corporations, organizations and people with way too much time on their hands. Unfortunately, blog jobs in Australia are hard to come by. There are more than 53,000 jobs advertised on CareerOne and more than 146,000 on Seek, yet zero jobs for blogging here in Australia. Here are some of the results from several keyword searches:
"blogger": 0 jobs
"blogging": 6 jobs
"investor relations": 7 job
"corporate communications": 41 jobs
"wood machinist": 37 jobs
"plumber": 198
"fork lift": 1,259 jobs

Now you see what I'm up against. If I were a professional fork lift operator my week would be filled with job interviews (and booze), but alas I am not. While there are zero jobs available for professional blogging, there are also zero employment opportunities for "crocodile wrestler", "kangaroo boxer" and "professional didgeridoo musician", three keyword searches I was sure would dominate the available job ops, meaning jobs are in fact difficult to come by here in Australia. I've had some promising conversations with several influencers from the sector, but won't get my hopes up until I sign a contract. Regardless, I am going on holiday in less than three days!!

I'll be taking a break (from doing nothing) to travel from Cairns to Surfer's Paradise, stopping in Airlie Beach, Long Island, Rockhampton and Fraser Island on the way. Rumor has it Contiki tours are filled with mischief, but I'm sure my tour will be angelic and productive. I'll be spending Christmas Eve and Christmas Day sailing through the Whitsundays, and am pretty stoked to say the least. I get back to Melbourne on New Year's Eve, where I still don't know what I'm doing to ring in the new year.

As we're approaching the end of another year I figured I might as well give the customary "Best of" awards to some of the most important, memorable or personal favorite highlights of 2008:

Best Soft Drink of 2008: Diet Coke
Best Diet Coke of 2008: Diet Coke with Lime
Best Purchase of 2008: ZipCar membership
Worst Purchase of 2008: tie between NYSE:EYE and a $119 Brooks Brothers tie I lost before wearing.
Best Decision of 2008: $20 on lucky number 8
Worst Decision of 2008: to wear a white blazer to a Hawaian Punch Party
Best Day of 2008: July 30th: the move from San Francisco
Worst Football Team of 2008: Syracuse
Worst Musician of 2008: Gabriella Cilmi
Best Color of 2008: Aqua Blue
Worst Haircut of 2008: my current haircut
Best 3C1W of 2008: 3C1W2
Worst City of 2008: Washington D.C. - why would anyone live there?
Overall Best Thing of 2008: All of the wonderful and diverse new people I met this year from Long Island to San Diego and as far away as Europe, Asia, South America and of course Australia.

It's been a great year filled with wonderful memories to last a lifetime. Here's hoping to an even better 2009. Happy holidays!! Sixteen weeks down, 36 to go...??

Week Sixteen Summary:
Weather: more pouring rain and wind
New observation: we should probably do something to help re-stimulate the economy...
New activity(ies): Santa Lucia at the Swedish Church
New food: Aussie pizza, Aussie eggs benedict
New word(s): the loo (toilet), fairy floss (cotton candy)
New people: More Swedes - they just keeping. It's like they're escaping a war-torn country...
What I miss: College football bowl season, direct deposit, my Mastercard, my Christmas tree, New Year's at the Gravity Room, the pre-global downturn economy

Week Fifteen

2008-12-08T01:05:00.000-08:00

Apparently we are living in an economic downturn. Now I know what you're all saying: "That's blasphemous, Don. My equity portfolio is fantastic, my property value is steadily increasing and my job couldn't be more secure." Well, it's true. And while we can't rely on news sources, financial analysts or economic data to inform us of the global downturn, we can rely on Don's blog to give us the cold hard facts. And kids, it ain't pretty out there.

This week the economic crisis hit Don. With little warning, I was informed I would be one of several casualties at a firm I truly enjoyed working for, and to add salt to the wound, I would be missing the company Christmas party as well. I thought that getting rejected by the same girl three times in four days encapsulated a rough week, but Burson-Marsteller helped to put things in perspective. I say this with some sincerity.

Getting the axe at B-M has forced me, albeit at an inopportune time, to reevaluate why I came to this country and what I wanted to get out of this experience. Honestly, I can't say I came to Australia to further my career. I did join B-M to enhance my PR knowledge and global perspective, which I believed would ultimately enhance my skills in PR. More than that, however, I came here to further my personal knowledge and perspective. I wanted to pursue a common dream to live and work abroad, to meet new people, to interact with people from a different culture, to find out how they got to where they are, and as a result to learn more about myself and the direction I want to take my life. Obviously, I wanted to do this while investing in, contributing to and impacting a company that reciprocated its investment in me.

Now I can't really complain about the company decision to downsize the Australia office. B-M gave me an opportunity to live and work here for 15 weeks and introduced me to some truly amazing people, which makes missing the Christmas party hurt that much more as I won't get the chance to meet the rest of the talented crew. Every unique skill is an asset and B-M is filled with well-traveled, highly-experienced, creative minds - individuals every PR guy strives to surround himself with. Sadly, I feel I am leaving as an Incomplete.

But, what's done is done and the decision has forced me to determine whether it's time to go home or find something new. And I decided I don't want to go home. Well... not yet.

I do miss the States, my friends and my love/hate relationship with my mother, but I haven't seen Australia, and according to Lonely Planet and Google Maps, there's a lot of Australia to see. Apparently the Whitsunday Islands are half-way decent, and even though I watched a National Geographic special on the Great Barrier Reef, one or two people believe it is also worth taking a look at in person. So, I booked my package to check it all out. I'll be spending Christmas on the north-east coast, which will be about 22,000 times hotter than the Christmases of Jasmine, Kate and Bob combined.

No company Christmas party this year, though that only puts me at the same level as an EDS employee or Hasidic Jew. I suppose Christmas in Cairns will be just as lovely. I'll miss spending the holidays in the O.C. but I'll be home soon enough.

Well there you have it. The global downturn has sunk below the equator. And you know it's bad when it even jeopardizes PR professionals in Australia, whose PR talent pool is shallower than an Orange County housewife. Really, Burson-Marsteller is no different than General Motors, Goldman Sachs or any other U.S.-based multinational corporation (except the government's not exactly jumping to bail our industry out). It is the product of a failed U.S.-powered global economy that has had a domino effect on the entire planet. Thousands of Australians are finding themselves in similar positions, yet most of them have families and mortgage payments. I'm lucky in the sense that I have my health, my friends and an iPod with 28 Christmas songs to hopefully get me a little cheerier in this time of great change. Fifteen weeks down, 37 to go...??

Week Fifteen Summary:
Weather: bright, hot and sunny with pouring rain
New observation: we should probably do something to help re-stimulate the economy...

New activity(ies): lawn bowling, The Belgian Beer Garden

New food: Australian Domino's

New word(s): "No chicken salt for my chips? I'm devo!" ("No Lawry's seasoned salt for my french fries? I'm devastated!")
New people: A 157-year-old lawn bowling instructor

What I miss: Starbucks Gingerbread Latte, Fox Soccer Channel, Chrismukkah, Hamburger Helper, Zatarain's Dirty Rice, ZipCar

Week Fourteen

2008-12-01T00:54:00.001-08:00

(picture at left = Don's Mo Watch Day 27)

Today is the first day of December, my favorite month of the entire year. December is the only reason we put up with those first 11 crappy months (especially June a.k.a. "The Worst Month EVER". No offense to you Geminis or Cancers out there, but June is so boring that they had to stick the College World Series on ESPN every day just to get through the boring month with slightly less boredom.) December, however, is the bestest month there is and I'm starting it the same way I did on the first day of November: with a freshly-shaven face, a dissipating hangover and no idea where I put my phone. The difference between my November 1 and my December 1 is that I've also started the day listening to two-hours worth of Christmas music.

Now as all of my former or current roommates can attest to, I love Christmas music. I heart it. Christmas music is part of the joy of December, and unless you are Jewish or a terrorist, you should love Christmas music too. Even Communists love Christmas music! And for all of you Unitarians out there, there are thousands of great non-traditional Christmas songs, from Elvis' Blue Christmas to The Pretenders' 2000 Miles, and every Mexican (Feliz Navidad), Hawaiian (Meli Kalikimaka) or Punk (Oi to the World) Xmas song in between.

Here are some of my favorites, both original and remake, that I would encourage you all to listen to to get in the Christmas spirit:

1: Christmas Wrapping, Waitresses
2: Last Christmas, Jimmy Eat World
3: The Christmas Song, Raveonettes
4: Someday at Christmas, Remy Zero
5: Donde Esta Santa Claus, Augie Rios
6: I Won't Be Home For Christmas, Blink 182
7: 2000 Miles, Coldplay
8: Maybe This Christmas, Ron Sexsmith
9: Christmastime, Smashing Pumpkins
10: Christmas by the Phone, Good Charlotte
11: Carol of the Meows, Guster
12: Christmas, U2
13: River, Travis
14: Christmas Song, Dave Matthews
15: Christmas Time in the 909, Greenbrier Lane

(picture at right = Don's Mo Watch Day 29)

Well Saturday was the Movember Gala Parté, the culmination of four weeks' worth of moustache-growing for more than 12,000 Australian men. During the month of November, Mo Bros grew their facial hair to raise millions of dollars for male depression and prostate cancer. Thank you to everyone who supported me, whether financially or through motivational tactics such as calling me names or laughing while pointing your finger at my lip. I'm not sure what I would have done without such amazing support. With your help, you have enabled me to cross off another thing to try and ultimately fail at on my "100 Things to Try and Ultimately Fail at" list (see picture at left).

(pictures below = Movember Parté)

Well, the Syracuse football team finished the season 3-9 and without a bowl bid, head football coach, decent quarterback, defense, fan base or well-known recruit. Luckily, the end of football season means it's the beginning of basketball season, and so far so good for the Orange. In the past week SU beat three pretty good teams - Florida, Kansas and Virginia, and are sitting pretty at 6-0.

Next week is Burson-Marsteller Melbourne's annual Christmas party, where times have been tough and budgets have been cut. As a result, our Christmas party this year will involve chips and lawn bowling. But who needs steak dinners and wine when you've got good company... and a couple slabs of beer? Seriously, it's the greatest month ever and the holiday spirit is upon us. Send me your address and I'll even send you, my valued reader, a Christmas card. And Happy Kwanzaa Jasmine!!! :) Fourteen weeks down, 38 to go.

Week Fourteen Summary:
Weather: a few showers but mostly a beautiful week

New observation: Asians may lose moustache-growing contests but we would be champions in calculcus contests

New activity(ies): Australian Thanksgiving, Movember Parte

New food: pumpkin pie with sweetner

New word(s): Avos in the Arvo (Guacamole in the afternoon)

New people: A Columbian who thinks she's American and two Canadians who wish they were American; and a blue man from Kentucky

What I miss: the Christmas tree in Union Square, the Wall Street Journal, my Gerry McNamara Syracuse jersey, my moustache

Week Thirteen

2008-11-24T01:42:00.001-08:00

Thursday is Thanksgiving, the tastiest day of the year for Americans. I'll be celebrating with Swedes, Canadians, Australians and a Colombian at a potluck event. It won't be quite the same without the full day off and football in the background, but there will be tons of food and I plan to bring my A-Game in eating virtually all of it. In the Spirit of Thanksgiving, I have created my own list of the top-10 things I am thankful for:

1) Diet Coke
2) my retarded friends
3) my mum and all of her motherly wisdom
4) Caffeine free Diet Coke
5) Diet Coke with Vanilla
6) the current Australia:U.S. dollar exchange rate
7) having a roof over my head
8) Kanye West's new album
9) Mexican food, and
10) God.

I love you all!! Especially you, Diet Coke with Vanilla. I would trade any of my friends for you on any given day.

So yesterday was the Australian Idol Grand Final, the biggest day of the year for Australians aged 11 to 11.5. Nearly two million (about 10 percent of the entire Australian population) watched or attended the live event, held at the Sydney Opera House. Thousands of tears were shed, mostly by my flatmate, when Wes Carr, the pretty blonde from Bondi, won a recording contract, Mazda 2 and instant Australian fame. Though I attempted to boycott the show due to the controversy surrounding the departure of my beloved Brooke Addamo, the only looker in the entire top 24, I did watch the Final in its entirety. I have to say, it was pretty cool.

Unlike the two-day American Idol Finale, which consists of performances from the final two contestants and an ultra-long voting recap show, the Australian Idol Grand Final has no voted-on performances and is not performed indoors - it is on a giant outdoor stage in front of the Sydney Opera House, filled with thousands of spectators and hundreds of fireworks over the Harbour. If I were 11 I would think it was the coolest thing south of South America/ north of Antarctica.

So less than a week after firing Greg Robinson, the Syracuse football team beat Notre Dame at Notre Dame in what many are calling the biggest upset of 2008. It was so bad and so embarrassing that Notre Dame fans threw snowballs at all of the players, which literally added injury to insult following a terrible loss for the Irish. Seriously, how do you lose to the worst college football team in the 139-year history of college football? Destiny's Child could probably beat the Syracuse Orange and the Fighting Irish can't. Good grief.

(picture at right = Don's Mo Watch Day 23)

Well, there are only six days left in the month of November, meaning there are only six days left to sponsor my moustache. It's getting a bit out of hand, as evidenced by the picture to the right. Luckily only six days until I can shave!! So unlucky week number 13 is almost in the books, meaning my one year here is one-quarter done. My thoughts are with all of you Californians recouping from the wild fires. We all love Bad Religion, but safe to say most Angelinos are getting a little sick of hearing "Los Angeles is Burning" for the fourth year in a row. The L.A. wildfires made headline news here in Australia, and I hope that all of you and your prized possessions are safe. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!! Thirteen weeks down, 39 to go.

Week Thirteen Summary:
Weather: cold, rainy, windy and hailing.
New observation: my office building has to be the oldest office building on the entire Southern Hemisphere
New activity(ies): Australian Idol Grand Final, The Order of Melbourne
New food: skewered lamb with coriander yogurt
New word(s): pronouncing "capsule" "capsholl", pronouncing "ketchup" "tomahto sauce"
New people: A 25-year-old who is pulling a Don: Quit her job on Friday and is moving to England with a one-way ticket, visa, suitcase and nothing else. Good luck :)
What I miss: Thanksgiving, pumpkin pie, limitless nighttime and weekend minutes, Shiner Bock, my own washer & dryer, American mayonnaise

Week Twelve

2008-11-17T02:16:00.001-08:00

(picture at left = Don's Mo Watch Day 15)

Yesterday was November 16 (or 16 November as the wacky Australians would write it). For most Americans other than Cowboys/Redskins fans, the date held little importance. For two young women in suburbian San Antonio, T.x., however, November 16th is "Founder's Appreciation Day", the most important day in the history of their 29-year-old lives. "Founder's Appreciation Day" is a made-up holiday celebrating Megan Lehnhoff and Jamie Baker on the anniversary of their founding City Girl Society, an exclusive and somewhat questionable for-profit organization for young professional women in a small and un-diverse section of central Guadalupe County. Some of you may know that I do probono public relations for them, due in part to a drunken promise I made when they brainstormed the concept of City Girl Society one year ago.

During a trip to San Francisco on November 16, 2007, Lehnhoff and Baker came to me with the idea of City Girl Society, also known by its nonsensical acronym of CSG. I told them if they really went through with the ridiculous concept I would create their website and help with their public relations efforts. One year later, they have an official state-recognized corporation status, a bank account, six members, revenue and their first-ever Founder's Appreciation Day, proving America may in fact be the worst country in the world for allowing organizations like CSG to succeed while symbolic American institutions like General Motors, AIG and thousands of nonprofits fail. Congratulations to Baker, Lehnhoff and all of CSG however, for proving their husbands, their friends and the general public wrong.

Keeping with the "probono" spirit, Saturday was the second annual Rainbow Ball, a black tie event and fundraiser for the Ilhan Food Allergy Foundation. Approximately 800 people at $500 per seat attended the event, which benefits research and public education programs on the issues and causes of anaphylaxis for Australian children. Burson-Marsteller was a proud a partner of the Ilhan Foundation and I was fortunate enough to help lead the public relations efforts for the event and its fundraising initiatives. The Ilhan Foundation raised $1.7 million on the night, which is the equivalent of $1.71 million more than my friend Liz has in her checking account.

Other than the day after "Founder's Appreciation Day", the 17th of November also means it's Day 17 of Don's Mo Watch. Over the course of the past 17 days, I have been ridiculed, mocked, stared at, laughed at and mocked some more, but I'm proud to say that depending on the sunlight, I have arguably grown a half-moustache. So ha. Approximately 78.6% of survey participants didn't believe I could grow a moustache, so now who looks silly. The answer of course, is me, with a half a moustache. Thirteen days left to sponsor me so please jump on that bandwagon.

Finally, a recent news story proved that blogging does in fact get major institutions to take action, and no I'm not talking about federal legislation for gay rights. Several weeks after I first wrote Syracuse University should fire Greg Robinson, he was finally fired, illustrating the power of my blog. Greg Robinson's first year as head coach of the Syracuse Orange coincided with my first year of graduate school, and who would have thunk I'd be the one with a job. Not my mom, probably.

Well I'm feeling heaps better than I did one week ago. I sadly had to cancel a prepaid weekend trip to Mornington Peninsula, but I did have fun dancing to bad techno and 80s. I don't wanna lose your love, toniiiiiight!! Classic. To all of you Americans and Europeans bored with boring America and boring Europe: Please come visit me!!!! Twelve weeks down, 40 to go.

Week Twelve Summary:

Weather: 88 degrees on a November evening = just punch me in the face.
New observation: Working from home is a pretty sweet deal.
New activity(ies): Australian casinos, black tie events
New food: braised Wagyu ox cheek
New word(s): "Hey?" instead of "What?"
New people: Tons of fancy yet sweet people at the Rainbow Ball!

What I miss: air conditioning, pounds/feet/inches/miles, my comforter, Kraft Mexican shredded cheese, Wegmans, looking forward to Syracuse basketball when Syracuse football knocks itself out of bowl contention

Week Eleven

2008-11-10T00:47:00.000-08:00

(picture at left= Don's Mo Watch: Day 9)

Alright so apparently the U.S. had an election last Tuesday. Did you know that? Being in Australia I would have had no idea, if not for the 19,200 Facebook status messages from my friends saying "we did it" or "yayyyy" or "i'm proud to be an american again" or something along those lines. That is, except for the 4.4% of my friends who are either Texan or Mormon, in which case their status messages were "time to stock up on amunition (sic)" or "well (sic) see what change really is" or my favorite, "i'm moving to austraila (sic)", as if Australia is really any better than the United States. Trust me, it's not.

But lost in the presidential election were the extremely disappointing results in my home state of California. Proposition 8, which would overturn a California Supreme Court decision that recognized same-sex marriage as a fundamental right, passed by a margin of about 5 percent. This was the result of too many religious people believing that their Church would not tolerate gay marriage and their God would not recognize a gay person's right to marry the person he or she loves, which really begs the question, isn't it time there's a separation of church and state? Listen, I'm proud to be Methodist and I'm happy to be straight, but Proposition 8 had nothing to do with my religion or my sexual preference - it is an issue of equality.

It's incredibly ironic that Black voters, traditionally among the most liberal in California, voted overwhelmingly (more than 2:1) in favor of Proposition 8. Because of Barack Obama, Black voters came out in full force in California, which made a significant difference in the 500,000 vote differential. Gay people have been some of the most supportive of Black and other minority rights in the traditional civil rights struggles in our nation, but many African-Americans believe their discrimination is different than gays', often arguing "Black people didn't choose to be Black but gay people chose to be gay..." But I'm not blaming Black people, who because of their own centuries-long hardships have been rightfully so some of the most religious, soulful and faith-driven people in all of the world.

As influential blogger John Aravosis wrote in AMERICAblog.com, "The Mormon church has for years been bankrolling hateful and bigoted efforts to block civil rights legislation in various states. This time, it appears they finally went too far". Now anyone who knows me knows I love Mormons, especially Shante. But Mormons for Proposition 8.com and other various Mormon-supported propaganda illustrate how naive the Church of LDS really is. While the Mormon church is pointing the finger at other groups that supported the ban on same-sex marriage, such as the Catholic church, the unfortunate fact remains that centuries after our country's founders separated church and state, some religions are still impacting government and using it against nonbelievers. I would encourage you to look at the facts, look in your hearts and do what you can to support the huge Anti-Prop 8 protest movement.

Even Arnie, in true Terminator fashion, says we should keep fighting.

While I'm sure Proposition 8 is making national news all over the U.S., the only thing we talk about in Australia is Barack Obama, Barack Obama and Barack Obama. I'm proud that everyone in Australia followed the U.S. election so meticulously (I watched it live from my office), but I hope some of these other issues make international news as well. Any issue of equality hits at a global level. But enough about politics...

The past week was Cup Week, which began with Derby Day and included Cup Day, Crown Oaks Day, and Emirates Stakes Day. To celebrate, I got really full-on sick. Yes, Thursday through the present I have been sleeping 12-16 hours a day in pure pain and misery. Ninety-three percent of my body is in pain, which is 93% more than I would like. I sadly had to miss a birthday celebration, a co-worker's farewell dinner and drinks, and a home-cooked lasagna dinner, which just shows my knack for good timing. I did, however, finally get Taco Bill.

Now understand that I love Mexican food. I heart it. I embrace it. It completes me. But there is evidently a translation issue between English and Australian on what is Mexican food and what is a Mexican restaurant. Take Taco Bill, the Mexican restaurant chain in and around Melbourne. The menu is ok, similar to a "Jalapeno's" in Alabama or a "Tortillas" in Virginia. It's filled with enchiladas and fajitas and burritos and tacos and combinacion platters, etc. I'm ok with that. I'm even ok paying $2.50 for some jalapeno peppers, a necessity when there is no Cholula within 12,767 kilometers. What I'm puzzled by, however, is a Mexican restaurant that plays trance and electronica music with specials buzzing on a stock ticker board and Australian paintings on the walls. No Mexican chefs, fat customers or mariachi music anywhere to be found. I still loved it though. God bless beef enchiladas and frijoles.

Well Trinity lost two in a row and effectively kicked themselves out of the D3 playoffs. Syracuse blew a 14-point lead and lost 35-17 to Rutgers in the annual which-mascot-is-less-masculine:a-scarlet-knight-or-an-orange battle. And speaking of less masculine, my mo is on Day 10!! According to my preliminary survey results, 61.5% of my friends believe I can only grow a moustache with Sharpie pens while 46.2% don't think I can grow a moustache because I only have seven hairs on my entire body. It's not too late to make your vote count. Get in the voting spirit and speak your voice. And again, please sponsor my mo!

Anyway, this upcoming week should be a hectic one, filled with work and rest and painkillers. Hopefully I'll be at least 80% by the weekend! Eleven weeks down, 41 to go.

Week Eleven Summary:
Weather: Too hot for a November
New observation: The Australian healthcare system is pretty cool...if you're an Australian.
New activity(ies): influenza; not shaving
New food: Strepsil throat lollies
New word(s): "herpes zoster"
New people: A Canadian doctor who spent 15 minutes talking to me about America while 4 sick patients waited to see him.
What I miss: election parties, Ibuprofen, gay people, ice cold fruit smoothies, all of my wonderful friends and my mom. I miss you guys!!

Week Ten

2008-11-03T02:06:00.001-08:00

You must be really bored. I mean why are you reading my blog when you Americans could be following the online election coverage, you Australians could be getting spastic for Cup Day, or you Europeans could be scarf shopping, cigarette smoking, wine making or listening to O-Zone? Tomorrow is the biggest day in the history of everything. Tomorrow is Election Tuesday, the one day every four years that Americans typically go brain-dead and screw things up for the rest of the world. But that's not going to happen this year.

This year Americans are going to vote and they're going to get it right. While there's bound to be some evidence of the Bradley Effect, the belief that many voters tell pollsters they'll vote for a Black candidate in order to avoid seeming racist (when in fact they end up voting White), a larger turnout of African-Americans and young voters than polls originally accounted for should even things out. It's up to you, young people. And Black people. Make us proud. Everyone else just stay cool.

But a new president isn't the only thing worth voting for. California's Proposition 2, which would prohibit certain farm animals from being confined in cruel ways, and Proposition 8, which would eliminate the right of same-sex couples to marry in California, are two issues that are provoking even greater interest. While Proposition 2 is expected to pass in a landslide, Proposition 8 is tightening up. There are 153 proposals on ballots in 36 states, and include measures to ban dog racing, outlaw affirmative action and criminalize most abortions. It's an exciting time for every American, whether in Ohio or 17 time zones away.

But Australia is also making international news! In a move that would make John McCain proud, the Australian Department of Immigration and Citizenship denied permanent residency to a German doctor and his family because his son has Down syndrome. Snap. The immigration department said 13-year-old Lukas Moeller's condition would cause "significant and ongoing cost to the Australian public". His father, a specialist physician, came to Australia two years ago to fill a doctor shortage in a rural area of Victoria. Why the country's immigration department would refuse an ethical and heroic doctor yet keep me, a public relations practitioner, remains a mystery.

However, I'm still here and I've finished my second month. To celebrate, I have decided to grow a mo!!! Yes, in an effort to either put Gillette out of business or raise money for prostate cancer, or both, Australia is changing November to Movember. Movember is a month-long charity event where males lose the razor and grow moustaches to increase awareness and raise money for men's health issues. To help this cause, I have registered my upper lip in hopes that my three facial hairs can collectively come together to grow something special for this annual event.

Please take my mo survey and give me your feedback on whether or not this is a futile attempt.

Then please sponsor my mo.

So this weekend was Halloween and Derby Day, good fun but nothing compared with the hullabaloo going on in the States. The first week in November of Olympic years is the best week to be in the U.S., with Halloween, the massive elections, earnings season, college football in upset-mode, basketball season beginning and snow just around the corner. I miss all of you terribly and depending on the outcome of the election, will be back home in winter or back home in 2012. Tomorrow, however, I'm being Aussie and watching the Melbourne Cup. The Cup, as they say, is the race that stops a nation. Tomorrow is also the day that re-starts my nation. Let's do it people. Ten weeks down, 42 to go.

Week Ten Summary:
Weather: Hot, cold, rainy, sunny, lame.
New observation: Australians don't celebrate Halloween to the same extent Americans do.
New activity(ies): Federation Square; Australian Halloween
New food: mini meat pies with tomato sauce
New word(s): stubby; Eski; a schooner; a pot; a Blonde; Draught = beer-related terms
New people: I met an Irish potato-loving kleptomaniac with an eye infection, low tolerance and potty mouth.
What I miss: Lee Corso, walking to work, Texas football, San Francisco protesters, cilantro, a delicious Freschetta at 2:01 a.m., my 16-year-old homemade artwork dinner plates

Week Nine

2008-10-27T13:30:00.000-07:00

Why don't Australians love Mexican food? I do. I would eat every meal at Pedro's taco stand or cantina or taqueria, if Pedro had one here in Melbourne. Instead, because Australians don't love Mexican food, Pedro was forced to get a pizzeria, one of 1,883 pizza places in Melbourne. Silly Pedro, tu es loco. Why didn't you start a taco stand, cantina or taqueria? I would have dined at your establishment todos los dias. It makes me very frustrated and very hungry. I cannot find good Mexican food within a 12,767 kilometer radius, so if anyone has any recommendations, please let me know!!! It's nine weeks and counting since I've eaten a good taco. :(

Well, this weekend Don actually did some traveling and sightseeing. Saturday and Sunday my flatmate and I visited the Great Otway National Park, Lorne, Torquay, Apollo Bay, Port Campbell and the 12 Apostles. It's a 4.5 hour drive down the Great Ocean Road from St Kilda to the 12 Apostles, and is as scenic as and similar to the drive down the 101 from San Francisco to Santa Barbara. Hundreds of kilometers of driving along the ocean, thirty to sixty kilometers between each cute little fishing or beach town, each with its own charismatic charm. While many manage to make the trek to and from the 12 Apostles in one day, it is much nicer and more relaxing to cruise along the Great Ocean Road, looking at the sites and searching for wild koalas or kangaroos.

I still have yet to see a wild koala or kangaroo.

Today is October 27th and indeed it is a special day. Today marks the one-year anniversary of the greatest college football play of all time: The Mississippi Miracle, which not only won numerous awards but propelled the Trinity University football team (who would beat the 2008 Syracuse football team 77-2) into the Division 3 playoffs. The Mississippi Miracle is the third greatest thing I have ever seen, right behind 1) the 12 Apostles and 2) Eurotrip, the greatest movie in the history of film and/or cinema.

Both Trinity (ranked #14 in the nation) and Millsaps (ranked #5 in the nation) are undefeated this year and will play against each other again on Saturday. The game will likely have the same stakes - the winner makes the playoffs and the losers go back to class.

So my ninth week is almost complete and like every American, I am absolutely psyched about next Tuesday. In Melbourne, it is a holiday, Melbourne Cup Day, meaning I can watch various coverage of Election Day online from my house or from a pub. It was a nice little week filled with many billable hours and way too many Jason Mraz hours. While the 12 Apostles was unforgettable, the real highlight of the week was that I was finally on a trivia team that didn't finish in last place, ending the streak at 3. Constantly finishing in last place can sometimes hurt the ego. Nine weeks down, 43 to go.

Week Nine Summary:
Weather: I never knew so many of my body parts could produce sweat.
New observation: Australian flies are God's worst creation.
New activity(ies): 12 Apostles, Great Ocean Road
New food: Vegemite on bread, $11 cup of olives
New word(s): SpagBol, Vegemite for brekkie
New people: Ben Kimstra. Happy?
What I miss: mai tais, beautiful cool and sunny California afternoons, my clothes, my amazing leather anti-gravity recliner massage chair

Week Eight

2008-10-20T15:57:00.001-07:00

Caulfield Cup Day may have cost me $120 for platinum-level entry, $245 for food, drinks, bets and transportation, $315 for a new suit and $79 for a new shirt, but 41-1 odds later and I still made a profit. Twenty dollars on lucky number eight and I finally won something greater than $5, dinner, or pride. Yes, the Melbourne Spring Racing Carnival, a 50-day-long festival of fashion and horse races in the Melbourne area, kicked off on October 1st. The first big day, however, was Caulfield Cup, where approximately 51,000 fashionable Victorians weathered 32 degree heat in suits and dresses for one fantastic day-long party. It was fantastic.

But Caulfield Cup wasn't the only posh event here in Australia over the weekend. Gabriella Cilmi, the just-turned 17-year-old from Melbourne, was the big winner at yesterday's 2008 ARIA Music Awards, Australia's version of the MTV Awards or Grammy's. For the 99.92% of the world's population unfamiliar with Cilmi, there is no need to toggle over to iTunes or Google to find out who she is or how important she is. She isn't. To many Australians, particularly the large population of Italian-Australians, she is a bonafide superstar, which illustrates Australia's lack of musical talent as effectively as a season of Australian Idol. When the biggest names at the country's biggest music awards are Sam Sparro, The Veronicas and The Living End, you realize why every other song on the radio is America's B-Artists Miley Cyrus or Jordin Sparks.

In fact Orange County, one of the smallest counties in California with a population 27% smaller than the population of the city of Melbourne, likely has more musical talent and a richer music history than the entire continent of Australia. Orange County can claim some of the most influential musicians of our time, including No Doubt, the Offspring, Rage Against the Machine, Sublime, The Mars Volta, Stone Temple Pilots, the Vandals, Jeff Buckley, Reel Big Fish, Sugar Ray and Matt Costa. Australia can claim Men At Work and this guy.

Now I admit, I've definitely done my fair bit of Australia-bashing and America-praising over the past few weeks, and to the two Australians that actually read my blog, I apologize. As the election nears two weeks from today, many Americans, including I, have a renewed sense of nationalism. As I've said many times, one of the best reasons to live abroad and immerse yourself in a new culture is to learn more about yourself and who you will be years down the road. It provides context and gives you perspective.

I am an American and I realize that I'm actually proud to be an American. Canadians and Mexicans may be close geographically but that is all. They may have great food and significant landmarks and beautiful trees and people and birds and sports but they don't have our taxes. They don't have our police. They don't have our government or our diversity or our educational systems or our media.

Having said that, I admit our country has suffered for the last eight years. I absolutely want us to regain our swagger, and that will only come from a better economy. As New York Times columnist/Pulitzer Prize winner/The World is Flat author Thomas Friedman said in a recent Australian interview, the world should stop worrying about the U.S. having too much power and start worrying about the U.S. not having enough power. The world is watching our election because it affects us all. And to Paul Kelly at The Australian, the Australian model is not superior to the American model - it is dependent upon and formulated from the American model.

I do love Australian carnivals, pubs and chips though.

Well, the Official Greg Robinson Should Be Fired Stance is on week number six following another blowout loss. The Ducks are one of the worst teams in the NHL and the Dodgers and Angels are watching the World Series from their couches. It's all ok though when you win $820 and look good in a new suit. Happy Birthday Megs!! Eight weeks down, 44 to go.

Week Eight Summary:

Weather: sunny and hot and cloudy and cold and sunny and hot...

New observation: Australian fashion is actually quite nice.

New activity(ies): Caulfield Cup, The Saint

New food: Australian tacos

New word(s): We get along like a house on fire.

New people: 51,000 beautiful people at Caulfield Cup!

What I miss: The Cellar, hockey games, spicy food, gay people, Cholula, talking smack to Red Sox/Patriots fans

Week Seven

2008-10-13T22:59:00.000-07:00

Everyone knows I love a good politically-incorrect race joke, provided it's in semi-good taste. After listening to the Monday podcast of Kevin & Bean, however, I realized that American race-based humor is so much more sophisticated, and funny, compared to anywhere else in the world. Especially Australia, whose humor lies in sex-, politics- and self-depricating jokes. I imagine that's because Americans have dealt with race for so long, are generally open-minded in the present and interact with diverse people every day, that a majority can laugh about it now. Not so in Australia, which begs the question: Why do Australians hate diversity?

Nearly 90% of Australians are of European descent, with the second highest population being Asians, mostly Chinese and Vietnamese. Melbourne is one of the most diverse cities in the country, with nearly a quarter of the population having been born overseas, but is that really encouraging diversity or prompting segregation? When the people here don't know how to accept a growing immigrant population, it promotes segregation. The people I've chatted with believe Australia is still learning how to accept diversity and embrace multiculturalism, which sounds consistent with Australia's recent historical attempts at minimizing the racial damage.

Australia's Racial Hatred Act was established all the way back in 1995, which is later than Microsoft, Beverly Hills 90210 and the Colorado Avalanche were all established. Even the country's equal opportunity act was established in 1985, two years after Michael Jackson became the first Black artist to appear on the MTV with "Billie Jean". But of course, this is a country that only now is playing WALL-E, "Tattoo" and the Season 4 Premier of "Prison Break", weeks and months after their debuts in the States. Which only proves last week's hypothesis that Australians really want to be like Americans, and are always one or several steps behind in copying us.

Unfortunately for them, they can't afford to be Americans.

Not long after the financial crisis hit Australia came proof that a dollar really does make a difference. Within the last two weeks, the Australian dollar has sunk to its lowest level since 2003, having been hit hard by fears of a global recession, the mass exodus of risky assets and explicit cries to cut interest rates. Within the last two weeks, the American dollar has gone from equaling $1.19AUS to $1.53AUS, a ridiculous 29% increase. That means every book, shirt, soda, plane ticket or beer is 29% off, and a suit that two weeks ago would have cost me $315US now costs me $224US. Therefore, now is a great time to buy a nice suit...which is very good timing indeed.

Next weekend is Caulfield Cup, Victoria's version of the Kentucky Derby, where good 'ol fashioned fashionable rich people dress in nice suits, colorful dresses and hideous vomit-inducing hats. Apparently this is the place to see and be seen, meaning a fancy person such as myself absolutely has to attend. Unfortunately, I didn't bring any cool suits (fabric-wise, as it's supposed to eclipse 30 degrees Celsius on Saturday...and style-wise, as I have no style). Luckily now is a great time to buy a nice suit.

So Don's Official Greg Robinson Should Be Fired Stance is entering its fifth week. Syracuse lost again and is halfway to a 1-11 regular season. The Angels are out of the playoffs, the Dodgers are about to join them and the Ducks are 0-2. On the plus side, Obama is now up by 10 points over McCain and our markets were up 11% today. But does anyone else think it's a little eery when we constantly compare things with The Great Depression? Thank you my friends. Seven weeks down, 45 to go.

Week Seven Summary:
Weather: it's getting way too hot...
New observation: Australians don't like hip hop music in nightclubs.
New activity(ies): Australian reggae
New food: Aussie steak. Yum!
New word(s): Porky pies.
New people: A really really really gay sales guy at a menswear store told me I have no style.
What I miss: my television, cold weather, beef brisket, New York, Autumn, guacamole

Week Six

2008-10-06T04:33:00.000-07:00

12,767 kilometers away and even Australians think Sarah Palin is an idiot. Now nobody thinks she's a George W. Bush kind of idiot, but an idiot nonetheless. Who knew words such as "idiocy" and "inanity" could translate across borders? The fact Australian teenagers are emailing their Australian friends SNL YouTube clips, however, points to a much larger problem: Aussies are infatuated with media-generated images, videos, articles and graphs devoted to making fun of Americans, our politics and our culture. What that really means, I think, is that Australians want to be Americans.

In fact, one of the most surprising revelations about living in a foreign country is the amount of front-page news devoted to the United States and our news. Obviously a lot has been happening in the forms of deadly hurricanes, stock market crashes and elections, but even O.J. Simpson is cover story-material from Sydney to Brisbane to Perth. So not only am I answering questions on my neighbor Mischa Barton, but I am also asked for my opinions on O.J. Simpson and Beverly Hills 90210, meaning this is apparently 1994 again. Luckily, neither of them made it.

Now I can't blame Australians for constantly keeping tabs on the U.S. We're pretty cool people. America is so trendy that even Australia's markets are trying to copy ours. The shopping centers here are filled with Quiksilver, Ralph Lauren and MLB baseball caps, and 98.4% of all cars, lobbies, foyers, bars, pubs and department stores play "See You Again". Even Australia's people are trying to morph into Americans, becoming the fattest people in the entire world.

How flattering!

Well, week six is almost in the books and other than watching overly-creative commercials and weight loss investigations, I did venture out and go to my first Australian shopping center. I decided to replace my jeans that were stolen with a brand new pair, the most expensive jeans I have ever purchased (and will ever purchase) at roughly $83US. No, I don't understand why anyone would pay more than that for a pair of jeans. The shopping centers here are the same as the ones in the States, with food courts, douche bags and trophy wives, except they won't call them "shopping malls" or "malls" or even "centers" here - just "shopping centers".

So congratulations to SNL for making debates and interviews interesting again and congratulations to Sarah Palin for making SNL fun to watch again. Syracuse had a bye week so the Official Greg Robinson Should be Fired stance is temporarily on hiatus. The Angels won tonight but are a long way away from facing the Dodgers, so please keep God's Angels in your prayers. And did anyone win their Palin Bingo game? Six weeks down, 46 to go.

Week Six Summary
Weather: unpredictable
New observation: Daylight Savings Time kind of blows when you're springing forward.
New activity(ies): Shopping centers
New food: Bratwurst filled with food-poisoning. Geschmackvoll!!!
New word(s): Full as a goog!
New people: I finally met some Americans who helped me mock Australians! Snap.
What I miss: Stephen Colbert, Fiery Habanero Doritos, Yank Sing, Pac Heights, loud girls from New Jersey , Matisyahu, my stereo, Angels games.

Week Five

2008-09-29T01:10:00.000-07:00

Five weeks in Melbourne and this fifth one has definitely been the toughest. Too many arguments, too little sleep, and too much stress. It's rarely a good thing when one's daily average of Diet Coke cans consumed exceeds one's daily average of hours slept, and such has been the case for the last eight days. I am, however, now known as "The Diet Coke Bloke" at my local grocery store, which if I understand Australian-English correctly, means everyone there enjoys and respects me.

It's September 29th and Greg Robinson is still head coach of the Syracuse Orange. We lost again, so my Official Greg Robinson Should Be Fired stance is entering its third week. As my mom pointed out however, there may be a worse team: her alma mater. My solution? Let's trade Greg Robinson for Tyrone Willingham and finish the season with new coaches. Problem(s) solved.

Back to Australia.

Grand Final 2008 was, as expected, a fantastic train wreck. The Hawthorn Hawks upset the defending champion Geelong Cats 115-89, in what was a close match for the first half. The second half and the nine hours that followed are a bit of a blur, but I did manage to spend $160 on multiple rounds of drinks, lose my bank card and end up in Sydney. You know it was a train-wreck-of-a-night when the last two text messages in your Sent Items folder are "Omg i jvr8 waottm get home" and "wgy ami n sydney!@". I did wake up safely in my own bed Sunday morning...with a GFC tattoo on my left arm.

Now people around here say that Grand Final Day is the most important drinking day in Melbourne, which says a lot considering each of my first 33 days seems to have been more than the quintessential drinking day here. Approximately 100,000 fans packed the MCG on Saturday and hundreds of thousands of more fans packed the nearby pubs and local bars. Similar to the Super Bowl, many Melburnians also held barbecues and house parties but unlike the Super Bowl, the game itself started at 2 p.m. and was on a Saturday, meaning hundreds of thousands here drank from noon until closing time. To see what that looks like, click here.

Binge drinking isn't the only thing wrong with Australia. While the U.S. has been in shambles recently, last week tragedy finally made its way to the Land Down Under: Brooke Addamo, the 17-year-old Werribee native and only good-looking contestant on this year's Australian Idol, was eliminated in what is the biggest Idol-related controversy since "White Wedding" only reached #36 in 1983. Not only has Brooke's eviction left me heartbroken and disillusioned, but it also makes me question whether music is worth listening to if Brooke isn't the one singing it.

So overall it was a pretty tough week. My equity portfolio went down 28%, I slept an average of 4.5 hours a day, and my beloved Brooke was eliminated from Idol. Additionally someone stole my two pairs of jeans from the community dryer and USC lost to a bunch of Beavers. On the plus side, I did get my first paycheck and my Angels and Dodgers are lined up for a 405 World Series. Baseball's back in the Southland. Things can only get better. And don't worry mom, it's a temporary tattoo. Five weeks down, 47 to go.

Week Five Summary
Weather: the spring flowers are a-blooming
New observation: Australian girls watch football
New activity(ies): AFL Grand Final
New food: Hungry Jacks
New word(s): arvo (afternoon)
New people: everyone I met and have since forgotten from the AFL Grand Final
What I miss: my messenger bag, Kanye West, Californians, baseball, crushed pepper

Week Four

2008-09-22T00:47:00.000-07:00

Less than four years removed from San Antonio, T.X., and I'm already back in a crime-ridden city. That is according to "Underbelly", my new favorite show and a 13-part Australian TV series based on the factual events of the 1995–2004 gangland war in Melbourne. Of course that's what you get when 56.4% of your country's first settlers were convicts: the permittance of crime. Let's hope I make it back to the U.S.

I'm going back to California for Christmas and after last week's events, I am really wondering what kind of U.S. it will be. Will my president-elect be John McCain? Will my Angels be 2008 World Champions? Will I still have a bank account? Only two things I know for certain: 1) our deficit excluding Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac and last week's bailout will be a record $482 billion, and 2) Syracuse University will still have the worst college football team in the United States of America.

Now anyone who knows me knows I bleed orange, but the only things to have fared worse than Syracuse football in 2008 are Lehman Brothers, the Chinese milk industry and the U.S. 4x100 relay teams. In fact, Syracuse finally attained the highly-coveted number one ranking in last week's ESPN.com Bottom 10. Mitt Romney, Merrill Lynch and the San Diego Padres have all performed better than Syracuse's football team, and even former presidential hopeful John Edwards, who spent 2008 announcing 1) he was quitting and 2) he had an affair, still had a better 2008 than Syracuse, as at least he won six delegates in the primaries.

We should probably axe Greg Robinson.

Well, I'm finishing up my fourth week in Melbourne and I've already attended my first salsa lesson, second Friday happy hour and third house party. I've also slowly adapted to life in a big agency. Other than timesheets, weekly staff meetings and cubicles, the biggest adjustment thus far is the amount of time devoted to strategic research projects - something smaller agencies rarely have the time or capabilities to accomplish. I'm also slowly figuring out how to talk to the Australian media. Although the editors in Australia are not nearly as cool or as hip as the Editors in England, I've found that the writers and reporters are universally the same.

While good journalists always have an obligation to their employer to write for the target audience, the "good" writers keep an obligation to their profession, their colleagues and their hearts to write for humans. It's a completely different mentality for them. Australians, Americans and non-communists alike want to know about an opportunity to write a piece that gives those without a voice an avenue to be heard. They may need to write summaries, but prefer to write stories. As a PR professional, don't target an editor - target a writer. They're better people. And read the Code.

Back to the other Editors: "An End Has a Start" is absolutely the best 10-song album of 2007. You should give it a listen.

So the Saints of St Kilda were eliminated from the AFL playoffs Saturday, linking St Kilda supporters with the Syracuse football team, college seniors and registered American Democrats, as people looking forward to change in 2009. Next weekend is the AFL Grand Final, Australia's watered-down version of a Super Bowl, and the 27th day in September to drink. I can't wait. Hope everyone has a great week, and please wish my mom a Happy Birthday! Four weeks down, 48 to go.

Week Four Summary
Weather: brolly and cardigan
New observation: My Microsoft Word spellcheck automatically corrects "favorite" and "center" to "favourite" and "centre".
New activity(ies): Australian Trivial Pursuit
New food: chicken quesadilla with Parmesan cheese, Caesar salad with fried eggs
New word(s): snogging
New people: Loud and obnoxious Geelong supporters
What I miss: country music, cheeseburgers, cilantro, diversity, old Facebook, my desk

Week Three

2008-09-14T03:09:00.000-07:00

So after I conducted my weekly scalp search for white hairs, caught up on my online news and drank my morning Diet Coke in a Dilbert mug, I realized that I, like many other Americans, am getting old. This is not ok. It is now 5:53 p.m. on a Sunday and I have already finished dinner, am packing my briefcase for work and am about to update my LinkedIn profile. In other words, I am ancient. I have no energy for a jog and no desire to binge drink like a normal young Aussie, so I decided to do the next-best "young" thing: update my blog. After all, since the businessmen and women of New Hampshire are just figuring out what a “blog” even is, it must be technology for young people only.

This is now my third entry and according to my survey results, my mom has still not read my blog. Thanks, mom.

Not much has happened to me since my last entry. Still no luck finding koalas or sober Australians, but I did find cheap diet coke - $14.98 for a slab of 30 cans. I also completed my first week at Burson-Marsteller, where I no longer have a corner office, personal Blackberry or dental insurance, but I do have a liquor cabinet filled with vodka, beer and wine. Who knew alcohol would improve (or at least impact) workplace morale so much more than American perks such as medical insurance or corner offices? My new colleagues are young, enthusiastic and incredibly talented, and while I already feel quite challenged, I’m excited to be a part of the team.

On Saturday I went to my first-ever AFL match, a semifinal between St Kilda (my hometown) and rival Collingwood, two local clubs and nearby suburbs of Melbourne, separated by only 8.2 km. Nearly 77,000 fans packed the MCG to see the Saints of St Kilda, population of 16,122, battle the Magpies of Collingwood, population of 5,494. So essentially, more than 3.5x the entire towns of St Kilda and Collingwood combined attended this match. That is nuts, and that is AFL, particularly here in Melbourne.

In fact, nine of the 16 clubs in the country-wide league, also called AFL, are from Melbourne. In contrast, Sydney, Brisbane and Perth all have only one club each. If I have learned two things about Melburnians in my third week here, one is that they are very serious about their meat pies, and two, is that they are very, very serious about their AFL.

So my third week is nearing an end and it was indeed a very productive week. I got tickets to the Caulfield Cup and upgraded my phone plan, but perhaps most importantly I received four invitations to join various anti-Sarah Palin Facebook groups – what an honor! I do miss California and all of you great, wonderful friends, but will see you all very soon. And won’t somebody fire Greg Robinson? Three weeks down, 49 to go.

Week Three Summary
Weather: warm & windy
New observation: Being "drunk" in Melbourne is completely different than being "drunk" in the States.
New activity(ies): AFL semifinal game at the MCG
New food: Australian mustard; Doritos Mexicana; Sultana Bran (Australia's version of Kellogg's Raisin Bran)
New word(s): going off like a frog in a sock; hit the blower; far out brussels sprout
New people: all of my new, sweet, smart and incredibly-talented colleagues at B-M
What I miss: San Francisco, breakfast tacos, Mormons, my car, my old friends at EVC, 3C1W

Week Two

2008-09-07T22:58:00.000-07:00

This is my flat.

Today is Monday. It’s been 12 days since I arrived, 57 days before Melbourne Cup Day and 353 until my visa expires. Normally I like to start off each day by going for a walk down the street, finding various trees, looking up those trees and shaking them, and then I’d keep looking up into the leaves while extending my arms and hands - all in hopes of eventually catching a koala. Today, however, I don’t have time (and quite frankly I’m 0-for-142 in neighborhood trees thus far).

Today, I got my $93 dry-cleaning, enough Diet Coke to last me the week (48 cans), and a haircut at the local Edward Scissorhands, Melbourne’s version of a Fantastic Sam’s. And since my last entry, I got a monthly tram pass, a bank card and a job. All I need now is a cynical discontentment with Kevin Rudd and a pair of brown UGG’s and I’m practically all Aussie. Oy!

I decided to join the corporate practice at Burson-Marsteller, The Holmes Report’s 2007 International PR Agency of the Year. While I’m excited to get back into PR, I’m a little nervous at my job responsibility: to communicate with the Australian public. If I can’t understand these people how can I communicate with them? Really, the only subjects I feel qualified to discuss with Aussies are 1) why Brooke Addamo will win Australian Idol or 2) why Brooke Addamo is such a looker.

Twelve days into my stay and the only things I’ve really learned about Melburnians, Victorians and Australians are that they like beer, football and beer & football. One person I met loved Prince, another loved Jesus and another hated Prince and Jesus but loved Sophie Monk. I have a ways to go before I fully understand this public, but several of the individuals I spoke with gave me valuable insight. Attempting to use my non-skills in journalism and qualitative research, I decided to pose some questions to the locals. Here are their responses:

Q. What is a typical or stereotypical Aussie?

A. 1) fine, 2) an arrogant a*@hole, 3) trying to better our country but needing to work harder, 4) unappreciative of what we have, 5) fun and likely a bit drunk, 6) proud but good fun, 7) friendly, 8) there is no stereotypical Aussie – we’re a cosmopolitan of different backgrounds, and 9) intelligent but still learning, always wanting to improve our country and probably into having lots of fun.

Q. What do you love?

A. 1) Prince, 2) Jesus, 3) Sophie Monk, 4) for you to shut up, 5) footy, 6) Americans, 7) your mum, 8) the city and its nightlife, and 9) Thai food and women like that one right there.

Q. What can an American do to better understand the local culture?

A. 1) read the Herald Sun, 2) talk to strangers, 3) be open-minded, 4) go back to America and take rap music with you, 5) talk to people and listen, 6) drink, 7) drink and meet new friends, 8) go to the local festivals and walk around the different areas and suburbs, and 9) go to a hotel (pub), drink some Aussie beer and talk to all the friendlies.

So to sum it all up, some Aussies are very proud of their country while some believe there is much work to be done. Some are incredibly engaging and intellectual and others prefer to party and drink, yet all seem to have very strong opinions. Additionally, approximately 22.2% of the respondents hate me, which I believe means I only have room for improvement in the eyes of the locals. Two weeks down, 50 to go.

Week Two Summary

Weather: Still trying to figure out Celsius

New observation: Aussies watch a LOT of American t.v.

New activity(ies): Dance clubs that close at 5 and 7 a.m.

New food: French fries with gravy

New word: jim-jams (pajamas) & tracky dacks (tracksuit pants)

New people: I met a flamboyant 42-year-old straight man who drank his age (42 drinks) on Friday.

What I miss: The L.A. Times, Mexican food, ESPN, Liz Oh’s ability to say inappropriate things at inopportune times, Bounce Fabric Softener

from left to right - 1) my living room, 2) the local milk bar and tram, 3) my local reading material, 4) my week's supply of diet coke

Week One

2008-09-01T04:23:00.000-07:00

Australia. Their toilets flush in the opposite direction, their citizens drive on the wrong side of the street and their September 1st is the first day of spring. As former Auckland-based singing-sensation OMC said, obviously describing Australia's blatant disregard for the norm, "How bizarre." Of course OMC, a proud New Zealander, was obviously biased against the country that has dominated the Kiwis in cricket, one of the countries' three major "sports". I, a proud American, would never be biased. I have arrived in Australia with an open mind, an open heart and a desire to at least temporarily become Australian.

Linda, my friend/host/flatmate/soulmate/fellow reality television addict and/drinker extraordinaire, has answered most of my questions about Australia and Australians that Wikipedia could not, and in a language Wiktionary was able to translate. (Note: It is also because of her that I now have a bank account, a mobile phone, a bed to sleep on, and a disdain for "Viva La Vida".) Other questions about Australians and Australia have been answered by meeting the locals, reading newspapers and walking around the city.

I'm proud to say that after one week, I have had no culture shock. Sure Aussies use something called the "metric system", but I am in an English-speaking country that for better or for worse, appears not so much American-influenced as Americanized. I live on the same street as a KFC, near a Blockbuster Video and next to several homeless individuals preaching about Christianity and booze - so basically I still live in San Francisco. There is no culture shock but there is one major difference: the cost of living.

Now this is not to blame on Melbourne being more expensive or San Francisco's cost of living to be low (as we all know, that is not the case). However, as a recent survey indirectly pointed out, the weakening of the U.S. dollar has greatly impacted the prices Americans are used to when making various purchases such as food, household goods and entertainment, in foreign countries. For example, I think most Americans would agree that $22 for dry cleaning a suit, $8.50 for shaving cream and $3.20 for a small bottle of Diet Coke is a bit expensive. (And for those readers who know me best, you will realize that that equates to $156.80 per week on Diet Coke alone.) Adjusting to this new cost of living will ultimately require me to cut back consumption of some of the finer things I enjoy, such as Red Bull and exported beer, but such are the sacrifices when you move to another country with no job security nor savings account. Other than controlling my expenses, my adjustment period has worked out just fine.

My first week is nearly complete and I am that much closer to becoming a (temporary) Aussie. I can find my way around a 1-kilometer radius, successfully used public transportation with only minor difficulties, watched one of Australia's most popular television shows, and attended my first-ever AFL match, a 2008 International Cup game in which Canada defeated Sweden by about 27 goals and 14 behinds. I am pretty well settled in my new hometown and have used words like "queue" and "reckon" more often than I would have ever thought. One week down, 51 to go.

Week One Summary
Weather: cold, but beautiful!
New observation: Aussies love Barack Obama
New activity(ies): Kräftskiva, AFL
New food: UDL Vodka Lemon Lime & Soda (no, it's not food, but it's delicious)
New word: dero (abbreviation of "derelict", a common description for certain Melburnians)
New people: I have four new Facebook friends, which is the equivalent of 0.8 actual friends.
What I miss: all of my great friends, my mom, college football, my bed, cheap diet coke